SPOKE: Journal of Christ

The FLY Deconstructs

2008-03-02T08:02:00.001-08:00

The New Bible College...a Dream within a Dream

2007-12-19T04:07:00.000-08:00

I just woke up from a dream. It was another Simpson College San Francisco dream. I have had them for 30 years now. But this one was different. It was not dark or mixed; the others have always been a mixture of longing, some alienation, some sweetness and often humor…very much as my experiences that year were.

Let me start with the dream while it is still fresh. I am returning and, as is always the case, the place is Simpson, but not the same one. It retains a Simpson-esque nature, which I think anyone who has any sense at all would pick up on immediately. It could be seen in the furniture, which was always cheap, nearly weightless wood, with a decent stain. Perhaps in some cases emblematic. The other physical aspect was the dark red brickwork. Old, weathered, a throwback to the 1920s, if not earlier.

This Simpson was larger, more modern, but still retained those features somewhat (my desk was ridiculous…I thanked God immediately that I have most everything I need on my laptop). There was not much shelving for books. I thought, “good, I only need about 140 of the best books, both reference or otherwise, and I’m pretty sure I know what most of them are.” My other 2,200 volumes have been sitting in a storage unit in Roseville, California, for years. I wouldn’t care if it caught fire. One less trip or two to Roseville.

This Simpson was in San Francisco, but in a new location, just as I myself have returned and now live in San Anselmo (named for the great Catholic apologist and priest St. Anselm). I live at The Citadel, a converted mansion, and we have the middle flat with three old-style windows set into some kind of mortar that is impervious to anything short of dynamite. That’s my room with a massive view of the hills of San Rafael. It has been my haven, but also a prison of sorts, however self-imposed. Still, as prisons go…

I laughed at the desk in the small dorm room and then noticed there was no bed. I hardly needed one then, and I hardly need one now, running often for weeks on end on 5 hours sleep a night, or less…and not because I am driven. I have been largely unemployed the last four months.

It was about 2 a.m., and I went down to the Library area. On my way I saw Rich standing at someone’s study desk, joking around. I nudged past him, slamming him just a little, like I didn’t see him. He called after, “Bakdon, I’ll see you in your room in ten.” I was in no hurry, as that meant he’d be there around 3 or so.

The library was small but adequate and open 24 hours. Late is best, as serious students like quiet and free reign. I saw a younger student I had seen perform before. He was brilliant. I liked him and thought he would do well.

After that I showered, then grabbed my clothes. Still in a towel, I thought, I haven’t seen one girl, and I’m too old for this bullshit when it’s just 25 steps away. Some personality traits never change.

Others do. I was my present age, but I have been fortunate. I am youthful, strong, sharp, and in reasonably good shape despite two divorces, 15 moves, two “crash and burns” and a long battle against a deadly disease. I should look like a man of 80. In fact, only a full head of gray hair, the typical battle of paunch, and some slight puffiness under my eyes distinguish me much from the boy who entered Simpson 30 years ago. Perhaps vanity will be part of God’s last purging before resurrection. Either that or it’s meant to be a sign, as this dream may, that I have turned the new page on a new life and that all the previous 50 years have been leading up to this.

But let me finish with the dream. It is not much longer. After, I will extrapolate.

I was suddenly dressed and wanted to see what view was availed me out the four windows on the northern wall of my small room. There were cheap bamboo roll-down shades inside, and similar, yet different, wood-stick shades outside hanging from the awning. As usual, it was all one large complex so that one might not ever have to out outside and actually feel the shudder of the Pacific under one’s feet or feel that wet, sweeping air on your cheeks. I tried to roll them up, but they were of the usual type with that small steel dragging clip that is supposed to work but never does. Still I could see the tops of trees outside, and to the very far right saw the top of the southern tower of the Golden Gate Bridge jutting up behind them in the not-too-far distance. This pleased me no end, as I have always been an utter mixture of Urban and Ocean. Baker Beach would not be far, nor Crissy Field…both favorite haunts the last 20 years.

Looking down, I saw two small bookshelves. They already had all my writings. There were many—probably measuring three feet wide and each of the two stacks just high enough to hold thick binders. That’s actually probably conservative.

One huge difference in my second Simpson experience would be speed. I write like a banshee on crack, sometimes publishing five or six online articles by the time others are groaning out of bed. This little piece might take a few weeks for someone who simply journals. It will be done in a few hours, sent to the few who have the maturity to handle it (and who will appreciate it) and that is probably the end of it—like much in those binders.

I would put another row of bookshelves at my own expense in front of those so I could see just the spines if needed. I figured I probably wouldn’t, but nice to always have a hard copy.

The books would be dominated by needed reference materials. What I lacked in that department was at the Library probably 800 feet away and one floor down. The other 40 percent would be the concentrated books, each of which was like having 10 of the best on the subject. Becker, Berger, Brueggemann, Brooks, Bonhoeffe, Beauchner…all the Killer B’s. Then Merton, Lewis, Nygren, deRougemont, the Dalai Lama, Lamott, Kierkegaard, Percy and Pascal. Then small esoteric works that are hard to find but you want closer than 8,000 feet. The Art of War, The Desert Fathers, Bernard of Clairvaux, Otto Rank, Andre Malraux. The last would be art books and Russian, French, and English/American literature including only a few poets—Everson, Eliot, Oliver and Pinsky.

The experience this time in class would be very different. I would immediately transfer out of any bullshit classes and go for the hardest ones that offered depth. These teachers would know more than I on their subject and I would gladly learn from them. But I would retain different angles of approach alongside their more rigid Modernistic/Critical approach and avoid reading any assigned works with titles like “Towards a preliminary understanding of….” You fill in the nonsense. We live in a different time, and plain, deep, relevant and compassionate speech is called for.

We needed a grounded Christology. That seems obvious, but apparently it is not.

Rich came laughing down the small hall with a friend named Cal. He was familiar in an acquaintance way. Apparently we had met long ago and had given each other quite a ribbing. He seemed a decent fellow, and anyone in Rich’s good graces has always been good enough for me.

It seemed odd to be back and ready to study. It was apparent both of us would settle right back into simple routines of long hours, good conversation and lots of dark French roast. Rich seemed lighter than in the last decade and, frankly, so did I.

And perhaps that is true, despite our trials that have often, in some ways, mirrored each other—and in other ways were simply the trajectory we were always on. I was always the more complicated one…perhaps more inwardly troubled. We shared nearly the same past and, as such, were solitary warriors. I, the warrior-poet; Rich, the warrior-strategist. We have a Jonathan/David relationship.

Point is, all the others we had known there were gone or would not be joining. Doc is dead. Delinda is serving and loving young mothers and helping them have their babies in Colorado, and Devan Devan, as a good Lutheran, is probably at the bottom of a pint still muttering about the humiliations we placed him through. No, only the two of us back in San Francisco with separate yet similar callings. And both with renewed vigor, settled hope, and old issues finally laid to rest.

Now the above does not seem like much until you allow it to inform and reform the last 30 years.

Why have I had these reoccurring dreams of a small Bible college in San Francisco that I only attended for a year? I think I mentioned them to Rich once, and he said he has not had any. That is also typical. I am the brooder who, with rare exception, has not had much “success.” Rich, on the other hand, took the bull by the horns and has been quite successful. Yet the deeper longings and truths have always been there for us both. Most of the time I did not want them. Now I’m glad they stayed alive in me.

Nothing particularly major happened on the surface of the dream, but then I have never been a surface person. I did not meet a girl there, have my heart truly broken there, break a bone, lose a family member, or have sex for the first time. The most stunning achievement was doing 40 units in that one year at a 3.75 clip. Big deal. With the exception of Wallmark, Doc, and to some extent Claspill, I hardly had to study. The other three more than made up for it. Even Greek came easy. It was a system so logical and with tables and, unbeknownst to me then, I was ADHD and immediately grasped complex relational systems that others found daunting. More than once Devan Devan cursed me before a Greek test.

Now I would assert that the dream is about what I began with: longing, alienation, sweetness and humor.

Humor
I’ll start with humor because it’s my dream and I’ll do what I want.

The essence of humor is discrepancy, just as brevity is the essence of wit. My life has been filled with it, mostly with me as the punch line.

It would be more than a mild understatement to say that my life has not turned out like anything I expected at the “first” Simpson. Like many men in their early 20s who are suddenly exposed to the powerful adult world, I found I had new powers and avenues open to me, added to natural gifts. Not yet tempered by failure and humiliation (it takes higher doses for some of us), I was not just bulletproof—bullets feared me.

It was the same for Rich. It was the wisest decision either of us made (and it was quick and early) to join forces. I suppose it would be like Frazier and Ali deciding not to pound each other but instead take on the rest of the boxing world.

Perhaps the story that best illustrates Rich’s artful humor was when David Miller had published something about Rich’s secret appliances in the gossip column in the Simpson paper. No one ever questioned the validity of a gossip column in a Bible school but did have a problem with small appliances.

To send a clear message (he said, dodging the word “revenge”) Rich selected a large, dark and ugly potato bug and deposited it in Miller’s bed, deep in the sheets.

Miller was two doors down from me on the third floor, and Rich and I were up at around midnight studying together when we heard an awful scream coming from two doors down.

[ I looked over at Rich.]

“What the—?”

“Don’t worry, Bakdon,” he said. “I put a potato bug in Miller’s bed.”

“Dang. Those things are nasty!”

“Bakdon,” he said, holding his hand out in classic Rich stance (the two long fingers protruding like a gun), “as C.S. Lewis said in The Great Divorce, ‘It’ll hurt, but it won’t kill.’ ”

I suppose that would be my present choice for my headstone. Life has hurt and beyond measure the majority of the last 22 years. I have suffered the loss of all things but my children on nearly three occasions now. On the upside, I can move my earthly belongings in a day and my creditors have nothing to attach. I have learned to be Zen. I cannot take it with me, apparently often here as well.

But this is where grace comes in, which itself is Divine humor. We are, each of us on our own, a joke. We pretend, and build up mini-kingdoms in the world of ideas, possessions, bank balances and status, but the banana peel is death.

God, not to be outdone, takes the most serious pretense of death and lets it slip on the banana peel of resurrection via the cross. And in so doing taunts it the way one does after delivering an unanswerable prank to a longtime and bitter rival.

As I mentioned, most of my jokes now are solely at my own expense. I’m an easy target (the big ones always are) and I never miss hitting myself. Plus, I feel safer if I get there before you.

Alienation
The First Simpson was alienating by having created essentially no private space. One cannot be invited “over” to another building, or down to the coffeehouse or to events that air things out when you are all on the Starship Simpson. Had it not been for Doc Humphries and his invitations to coffee and assignments to museums we might not have ever seen the City at all.

It was a place of loneliness at times. The dark, brooding evenings after having been indoors all day. No nightlife. We had no theater or films. The library was closed way too early for reasons no one could fathom. And then the worst: the control issues. Sign-in, sign-out…don’t wear jeans (apparently today jeans are godly at the Simpson in Redding).

It was in reading One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich (once again at Doc’s instructing) that Rich and I hit upon our metaphor. Like two caged Bengal tigers, we would not go quietly. That, and using the entire Starship Simpson as our own holodeck.

There were other culprits, mostly notably Devan Devan and the beautiful, but dangerous, Delinda.

Both were an immense help to me in dealing with the inherent alienation. Devan Devan, always a willing cohort; and Delinda, definitely the most beautiful woman on campus (and also a campus official), yet somewhat untouchable, in a good sense. For me, she was my Miss Moneypenny, and I a bit of a 007, only with Starsky and Hutch hair. I never hit on her, but I flirted a lot.

And then there was Doc…but I shall deal with him under sweetness.

The New Simpson of the dream engages the alienation of the world and culture outside its walls. Nothing is more alienating than Western Culture. By its nature, it seeks individual freedom and self-created meaning amidst thousands of major competing voices of truth and billions of personal voices with no central pull or common language of meaning. To this world the Church has largely capitulated, turning itself into a sort of giant Christco, where you can get books on how to raise your kids, balance your finances, get a 10-pound bag of chicken, a power tool, film for your camera, and get your Jesus/religion inoculation shot at the checkstand.

Nice going, guys.

Oh, and—while we are at it—let’s leave the question of personal discipleship and the organic calling to the Body of Christ to the side in favor of obsession with gender and political issues. That way people can throw the baby Jesus out with your dirty usurious bathwater.

No, this was different. Scholarship with a grounded incarnational purpose (I’m allowed to be redundant for emphasis). It was missional in a way meant to subvert the culture in love and grace. Culture and the City yell as loud as they can. God whispers.

Into the breach dives the Incarnate One who is beyond transhistorical and transcultural. That is an understatement, but a nice place to start your understanding and experience of Him.

Longing
I went to the First Simpson because I wanted to learn the Bible. I wanted to learn the Bible because I longed to know God as deeply as possible. My supposition was that hearing and studying the Word of God was meant to draw me into Himself. What I was presented with was largely religion. To be sure, like much of American Christendom, there is still a pulse of Gospel under the piles of religious horseshit that are so much digested guilt, anger, and the fear of death.

But it was not a total loss by any means. I learned tools. I learned how to do exegesis, which is like a doctor learning the entire medical system so he can access what he needs when he needs it. He may not know the answer, but he knows the best sources and has the tools to access the best of what is available. He is never at a complete loss even if his study lands him in mystery.

I had already learned Lewis and allowed him to train my mind before I got to Simpson. Afterwards I learned hermeneutics and apologetics. Then I was given the English Puritans, and my mind and heart went ablaze for Jesus.

They should have killed me then, in 1985.

That longing, no matter how dormant at times or muted, has survived and is at the core of what I will do at the New Simpson, yet more purposeful and definitely more free. I had the feeling that it would often be independent study with credit for the quality and depth of the work done. There would be no tests for repetitive knowledge that would be rote but meaningless. More important now to look for patterns and the nuances of Scripture. It wasn’t about a degree so much as preparation to serve outside.

Why is Christ made commemorative in the Modern Church when at the core of our faith He is Living Lord today?
Why is the Bible used as a legalistic weapon when it is an intricate and endlessly equipped vessel of mercy, love and hope?
Why do we construct walls and hide behind them rather than engage people openly in the public square and allow it to be a true dialogue of grace with God invited?
Why are people encouraged to have private, all-inclusive spiritual lives instead of being lopsided gifts to each other as the living Body of Christ?
Why are gender issues rending the Bride of Christ (we are all the feminine) when in the Bridegroom (in Christ) there is “neither male or female”?

Does faith in these realities mean nothing at all?

Why has serious exegesis been replaced by topical studies in PowerPoint presentations that change minds for the moment but have no transformational value at all?
Why are we religious consumers instead of spiritual disciples?

The list is near endless. And I ask these questions of myself as well. Where has my First Love gone? It’s me who has avoided Him.

Of course the longing will always remain while we are here. But we have pictures and types along the way.

This morning, after going back to bed having written the above till 3 a.m., I had the intention of falling asleep thinking about “longing” and praying it through. I thought, What if I get something really good but forget it by morning?

That’s the old voice. Always utilitarian.

Then I heard a new voice inside me say, "Then wait until it comes back and is a part of you…deeply inside you so it’s natural to speak of it."

Later in the morning, at 7 a.m., I looked at my email, and there was a letter from Rich. I cannot remember the last time I got a letter from him.

Rich has a new wife and a new life. I will as well in six months if she has not come to her senses and will have me. But these fine women, mates, are themselves also signs of grace given and also not yet seen. Behind the love of a husband is the True Husband. The same for a wife. Best to never confuse the two. It’s a role no man or woman can sustain. Easy to do because they are seen and can be touched…and they do carry the scent of Him.

But it was, is, and always will be about Him.

Sweetness
There was also a sweetness and playfulness at moments at the Old Simpson. Doc skewering Rich or me, the pranks…some serious learning, and lastly the man we kind of all looked to: Doc.

The only commemorative thing I have ever purchased was a paver stone at the Valley Springs Presbyterian Church in Roseville. It was my last footprint in that whole (for me) somewhat loathsome valley, just as Doc left his footprint inside me from that one year at Simpson. A man of refined taste, humor, grace and intelligence, he was a fine mentor.

As I have been Jedi master to as many as ten serious “patowans” (seven of which are in ministry or ordained), Rich and I were Doc’s renegade patowans. He had others. Dale S. was president of the student body and a boy scout…true, a Canadian boy scout, but we were converts from across the tracks. Raw, uncultured and devoid of religion. Doc took a quiet joy in our exploits, even as he tried to impart the beauties of art and literature in Western culture and managed to pass on his love for Kierkegaard on to me.

Over coffees, he endured my constant, and not yet gracious, railings against church institutions, including the one that he was vice president of.

The New Simpson would be more free and joyful and not be about fundraising or building expansions. Someone like Doc would be at the helm…a quiet, thoughtful, even reserved man of wisdom and depth. Those there would have the mirth that Lewis speaks of—a laughter that is deeper because those involved have taken each other and their callings seriously first.

That’s the dream and my view. On the other hand, it might just have been something I ate.

Standing In His Presence

2007-11-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

...or sitting, laying, even sleeping in His presence.

We do it all before the eyes of God. Our most inner hearts that holds our dearest and deepest thoughts does not escape His watchful eyes and ears.

This is supposed to be a comfort, and for the most part it is. There are times where it is fearful. But then again His Grace and Mercy shines through in those dark places we 'try' to hide.

Please forgive me for not knowing exactly where it is in the Bible, but i recall reading how He even has His ears so intune to me/us that He can hear our breathing.

I don't think i have known anyone who is so attentative to me. He actually makes a fuss over me. He LOVES me. Who in thier right mind would ever want to distance themselves from such love and attention. It is what we long for (if we are honest)

I don't know about you but i have at times just went about my life and didn't pay much attention to Him. But there He was always keeping watch and i believe even protecting me when i didin't know i needed protecting. I come running back to His feet and He listens and smiles and tells me He loves me. I promise Him that i will not be distant again. Of course i break that promise. I am not proud of being distant with God, i am actually ashamed.

I just shake my head and wonder how stupid can i be. I am the apple of His eye, He has a picture of me hanging and He looks at it proudly and there i go doing the prodigal daugther thing... I hang out in the mud.

So, it was obvious, it is true, i am not of the right mind. Infact i am may be even crazy.

Yet, He just stands and watches for me come running back, never telling me how bad i have been, but 'I am so glad you are here with Me, lets have a feast!'

Perhaps one day i will get my head on straight. Till then, i am so glad i have a Father who keeps watch and never turns His back. Each time i see the depth of His Grace and Mercy, they are endless. Just as east will not meet west i cannot fall out Gods Hands.

I think i am going to sleep well tonight. Hope you will too.

Peace

My Answer to the Small Dispute Below- SPOKE

2007-06-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

Reading both of the comments to the Lennon article I see two men who both love Jesus and think Him central. I can assure you CE, that Rick is not anti-intellectual as is the trend in both the Modern and Postmodern churches in many ways.

Now I want to make general observations not personally attached to either of you.

The current state of affairs finds the Church in a sort of subtle civil war. The Church under Modernity (Rationalistic, heavy emphasis on doctrinal truth and various systematic theologies and apologetics); and the Church under Postmodernity (Experiential, heavy emphasis on the more mystical and engaging the culture-at-large and sharing experience).

Not everyone who is Postmodern is anti-intellectual, but many are. Not all who are Modernistic are all in their head and see Truth as a static set of mere principles which exist as some independent and utterly cohesive body of Gnosis. Many tread in both scholarship and the use of rational thought, and also experience the Trinity in a deeply personal and mystical way.

The two really go hand-in-hand. Any good piece of theology or exegesis should lead to worship and gratitude, no? Communion is both a rational and mystical event, no?

Postmodernism is not so much a movement as a reaction to the arrogance of Modernity. The use of the mind, for many, is key (some are not so equipped and seem to do just fine). But it can lead to a disconnect as if God were under our microscope and we could dissect every aspect of "objective truth". At best the desire for doctrinal truth can lead to a solid working theology; at worst it is a great way to replace the Living God with Ideas about God. Let's remember that the Church's apologetic and rationalistic bent came from a reaction to the Rationalism of just the last 200 or so years (most people mark the start at the storming of the Bastille, and the end 200 years later with the fall of the Berlin Wall).

The English Puritans were utterly brilliant and used their keen minds to explore the universe via the Word....but they also fed the poor, did personal catachisms, and their hearts burned with a mystical connection to Christ.

Rationalism has partially been debunked now...it's arrogance and deficiencies. I imagine it will erode even more. But remember, the WORD does not erode even though Rationalism will to some degree.

(On this I assume both men could and would agree).

Since Postmodernism is a reaction and a protest but has no real answers of its own, the real question, gentlemen, is what will come next?

May I suggest a Christocentric paradigm. This site is called "Spoke" for several reasons. One of those many reasons is that it is like the tire of a bicycle. There is a center hub from which each spoke goes out to the outer rim. Holding that analogy, one aspects of Christ's glory may manifest itself in the arts around that rim; other spokes around that rim end in liturgy, exegetical study, apologetics, worship, songs, counsel, confession, etc... All are a part of the same rim. All have spokes leading back to the Hub which is Christ the Living One, the Living Word.

Notice how they overlap in the illustration above. There are many connection points. But they all end in Christ the Center.

I have been to the Center and it is not US.

Always Be Alert...

2007-05-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

Seeking...: A Few To Many Drinks...

I think he says it well.

A Prayer We Have All Prayed At One Time

2007-04-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

~Rich Mullins

More Popular than Jesus

2007-03-15T08:36:00.000-07:00

More Popular than Jesus.

Was John Lennon right?

Were, or are 40 years later, the Beatles more popular than Jesus?

I don’t think Jesus was offended.

“Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me." John Lennon, 3/4/1966, London Evening Standard

John Lennon received a great amount of flack over these statements when he was later quoted out of context in a teen magazine in the United States. Not only did people burn Beatles’ albums, but Lennon received death threats. Similar to Jesus, when Lennon said something the “religious” folks didn’t like, they wanted to kill him, only this time in Lennon’s case it was some of the folks who claimed to be disciples who wanted to pull the trigger.

Looking at the state of Christianity in the UK today, Lennon wasn’t entirely off base. Considering some of the declining church numbers here in the US, Lennon wasn’t all that wrong. And by where I often place my priorities, he wasn’t all that far off.

How ‘bout you? What’s more popular than Jesus in your life?

The thing that penetrates my heart this morning is what is more popular than Jesus’ message in my life: Work? A relationship? Money? Possessions? Religion? Church growth? Power? Control? Sex? Drugs? Rock-n-roll?

Jesus pointed to God’s Kingdom; the Kingdom “within” and externally. He taught to seek “God’s kingdom” first; to turn toward the kingdom and believe the good news that God is near me, you, & us and to go into the world and serve... or better said, become a slave. Sorry, most days that's not very popular with me.

All too often, and sadly, there are many more things in my life that are much more popular than “Jesus”.

If I took Jesus’ message to heart, and truly wanted to be a learner or follower, I’d have to pick-up my electric chair and follow him. Sorry Jesus, that’s not all that popular, for I don’t really want to die to self (ego) or to empty my life to be God’s presence on earth. I’m often to concerned with saving myself.

“Loving my enemies”, is not all that popular. I like the idea of an “eye for an eye.”
“Lose myself”? I’m often too concerned with saving myself. Sorry Jesus, not popular.
“You will be done, on earth…”? What about what I want? What about my will?
“Serving the ‘least’ of these”? Mmmm… that’s not always popular. That’s cool as long as it doesn’t interfere with my life. Can I send a check? I’ll be happy to as long as I don’t have to dump my cable subscription or give-up sushi
"Go into my closet and pray…” Can I do it on my way to work? I'm alone; carpooling kind of sucks.

I don’t know what is more popular than Jesus in my life this morning (this post?) but I do believe the road that leads to real life with God is narrow and unpopular. More often than not I choose the wide-open road, the popular route that leads to destruction.

More often than not, there are many more things more popular than Jesus in my life, including the Beatles. This doesn’t make me bad, it just makes John Lennon right.

Imagine if there was nothing to kill or die for. Imagine all the people living life in peace. Imagine no greed or hunger. Imagine humanity sharing the world as one. Jesus was probably just a dreamer, but he was not the only one, it is God's dream too. It's just not always popular.

just a reminder y'all

2007-02-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday."

Sing WIth Me...

2007-02-04T13:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Jesus!

2006-12-25T04:46:00.000-08:00

As much as this will seem foreign to do. I am going to encourage everyone to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. With a quiet heart fixed on Him come to His throne on your knees and sing Happy Birtday to Him. He will bless you with His presence that is beyond words.

Best part is, if you are not here to read it on December 25 you still can sing to Him.

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Be at peace!

Joy To The World The Lord Is Come

2006-12-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today i worked at a hospital per diem. I work transport, which means i bring patients to various tests within the imaging department.

I woke up this morning wondering WHY i ever volunteered to work two days before Christmas with the preparation i must do for the day. Also, it was a week that started out at its worst and worked itself up to being bad. I came to the decision that i am to tired for Christmas. I get to the hospital and there was only 1 patient scheduled for at test. So, now on top of everything i hang around for four hours and become bored when i am thinking all i could be doing, and, i am tired.
So, i and a junior volunteer who is a freshman in high school went to get the patient once there i entered the room and said:
Hi Mr. M. My name is Martha from transport and we are to bring you to xray.
the patient says that is fine but there is just a couple things he wants to do before he goes. They were personal needs in which a nurse was needed so i told him i would get the nurse.
He says:
Ok Martha and good morning to you.(he was not being rude, he was very pleasant, he wanted to just say good morning) I said good morning Mr. M

So, all the nursing needs are taken care of and he comes onto the stretcher and we are off to Xray. Mr. M sees Z (the volunteer) and asks Z if he is a volunteer, Z says that he is and Mr. M commends him on giving of his service.
When we got to xray he was going to have to wait a few minutes. After five minutes i apporached him and asked if he was doing ok and that i apologize for the long wait and how i picked the wrong time to come get him.

Mr. M tells me not a big deal and whatelse was he going to do in his room that he isn't doing now, which is lying down. I said he could be watching TV. He said that he doesn't watch TV before 7pm and he did try to watch daytime TV since he was here and found it to be to silly and embarrasing and can't understand how people would want to get paid to act in such a way. He said with all the needs out in the world he doesn't understand such self embarrassment.That is when we spoke about the hungry children in africa as well as the Invisible Children.

He said that sometimes he wonders if the designer made a mistake or not. I said i don't know if it is God or that man goes out of his way to hurt others and that we are given lots of freedom and some people choose bad. He said how he wonders how there can be any hope and i said that Jesus is a great hope in which there is a hope for a future of peace. Mr. M said 'what kind of pride would God have if he didn't'

Then, he decided to bring in a more light hearted subject and gave me a little riddle, i couldn't figure it out and when he told me he still had to explain it. I guess i am not that smart afterall.

i will give you the riddle:
what begins with and 'e' has a letter in the middle and ends with an 'e'

i am not going to tell you, you try to figure it out.

Mr. M then discussed how he was going to have about 30 members to see at thier Christmas gathering and now he is in the hospital. He spoke of his son. I asked him how old his son was and he had to think for a minute (he is 84) and said 44. Mr. M then said that his son was in the air force for 23 years and the proudest moment in his life was when the miltary put on his sons retirement party. After that he went into xray and i waited for him.

After his xray Z and i brought him back to his room. Mr. M told Z that he was quiet a valiant young man to volunteer his time. Z thanked him.

So, we bring Mr. M back to his room and help him get all comfy in his bed and i told him that he should have those 30 members come up to his room at Christmas. He said that it would be nice but he feels weak and that it may be too much right now. Then he waves his hand good bye and says "Merry Christmas Marth'a I said 'Merry Christmas'.

I don't know if i was able to get across my poiont...
Did you notice anything? He not once spoke about his aches and pains. He recieved blood before we brought him to xray and he has a hacking cough and not once did he complain. They whole time talking to him he was meek and joyful. Not a hilarious joyful but something deep with him and it was his anchor. I also think his life may have been one of great disappointments because he handled his being in the hospital at this time and missing his family gathering very well, he had no bitterness.

So, i believe Mr. M has the anchor of Jesus' joy and nothing can stir him from that joy.

ME? for some reason i am not that tired anymore.

Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room!

A Legend In Which Christ Is the Center

2006-12-21T15:54:00.000-08:00

A candymaker in Indiana wanted to make a candy that would remind people of the true meaning of Christmas; so he made the candy cane to incorporate several symbols for the birth, ministry, and death of Jesus Christ. He began with a stick of pure white, hard candy. White to symbolize the Virgin Birth and the sinless nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the Solid Rock, the foundation of the Church, and the firmness of the promises of God.

The candymaker then shaped his cane into the form of a "J" to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to the earth as Savior. It could also represent the staff of the "Good Shepherd" with which He reaches down to to reclaim the fallen lambs who, like sheep, have gone astray.

Thinking that the candy was somewhat plain, the candymaker stained it with red stripes. He used three small stripes to show the stripes of the scourging Jesus received. The large red stripe was for the blood shed by Christ on the cross so that we could have the promise of eternal life.

The SIghts Of Lasalette

2006-12-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

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Recently i went to Lasalette the national shrine of Our Lady of Lasalette. It is a Roman Catholic shrine of Mary and her appearance at a french place called Lasalette. It is just down the street from me and every year since i can remember they have all sorts of lights and fixtures speaking about the birth of Christ.

It is a great place to go because something special happens to people when they go there, they are joyful! Kids are ecsatic! It only takes about an hour and half to see everything but it truly is a place of sanctity from the secular Christmas. It doesn't sell the newest toy or tell you it is the best place to be. I simply expresses and centers itself around Jesus and His birth and how all mankind can celebrate thier freedom in Christ.

Hope you enjoy the slide show!

Peace.

The Nativity Story, it does the soul good!

2006-12-19T04:24:00.000-08:00

We saw The Nativity Story last weekend...

It was the first time that i ever saw a movie with God in it! I am serious, God was there.
Of course not visibly, but throughout the movie itself...I believe it had Gods blessing on it.

It was no epic movie...in thinking about it, may have not been the best of acting. But, God seems to have it so that we see beyond that to the reality of what the story was depicting.

Its depiction of Mary and her uneasiness and truthfull hurtfulness to be engaged to someone she didn't love is reality.
Josephs dream was just as real.
May and Joseph discussing how they would raise such a child was real
The reaction of the people of Marys hometown in discovering she was pregnant was real.

OF COURSE, it is just a story and the lines spoken are not verbatim cause we haven't a clue. It is just a story.

But...

the difference is, it is a story about the Truth...God became flesh and dwelt among us....emptying himself and entering the world as a little baby and at that in a poop smelling barn.

One of my favorite lines is when Mary is visiting Elizabeth and she says
"why did God pick me? I am just a nobody"

Incredible,,, the creator of the universe letting a couple of nobodies take care of THE eternal Royal King of kings!

One thing we can be sure of is that God is not dull!

Hey! It is a good movie go see it. One of the few (if any) that gives reverence and respect to God. The magi are humorous folk too!

sing praise

2006-12-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

What child is this, who, laid to rest on Mary's lap, is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet while shepherd's watch are keeping?

Who is this child asleep in the manger?
Tender and mild, this intimate Stranger?
Recklessly, wildly loving a dangerous world
Who is this light invading our darkness?
Glorious might, the sun rising for us.
Conquering night, He captures the hardest of hearts
We sing:
This is our God, living and breathing
Call Him courageous, relentless, and brave
This is our God, loving and reaching,
Scandalous mercy and mighty to save.
Hallelujah! This is our God!
Sing praise.

Who is this One who will not condemn us?
Why would He come to shoulder our sentence?
Nothing we've done will keep Him from giving us grace.
Who is this One we watch and we're speechless?
God's only Son embracing our weakness.
He overcomes all death and he frees us to live
And we sing:
This is our God, suffering and dying.
Call Him the Hero redeeming the lost.
This is our God, love sacrificing,
All that is holy, accepting our cross.
Hallelujah! This is our God!
Sing praise.

This, this is christ the king
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing.
Haste, oh haste to bring him praise,
The babe, the son of mary.

Beauty and Brokeness

2006-12-08T18:49:00.000-08:00

The Citadel deck at 7 a.m. today.

As Rod and I were walking the other day we talked about brokeness. The conversation had begun about fear and meandered it's way to brokeness. These conversations are not for the squeemish, for those without humor, or those in utter denial.

Now fear, with the exception of what is known as "the fear of the Lord" is really not such a good thing. In fact, if you were to sit down right now and take an inventory of all the mess that the human beings around you create my guess is FEAR will be at the very core of every situation. Anger comes from fear. War comes from fear. Distrust, selfishness, greed...etc...all fed by fear and more fear. That fear compounds and creates more violence, whether physical or spiritual.

The Way of Jesus is not about fear, though it is acknowledged at points as a reality (see the Garden of Gethsemane). It is the Way of faith, and hope and love. It is also the way of Beauty and the way of Brokeness.

I have been contemplating these things daily not because I want to, but because I have to. I can no more set them aside than I can suddenly be 4 feet tall.

Which brings us to Beauty, for I am haunted by that as well.

I have written elsewhere about what I call "the Redirected Vision". It's the beautiful reflection of God on all that is around us. It is in the bread and the wine. It is in the sunrise seen above, the cool air, the silent hawk descending, the waters that scrabble over stones and the flutter of the sparrows whose feet do not touch ground without the joy of God watching. It's in the scruff of the dog, the amazing eyes of your friend, it's in the apples with their crisp sweet bark and in the prayers of those who love. It's in candles, and stories and in language and art.

Religion teaches us to fear God, but the "fear of the Lord" is against religion and it is beautiful. The other is a door slamming shut; this is a door opening wide.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom". Just imagine for a moment that what is being said is beautiful and not the least bit scary. Awe-inspiring? Yes. Scary? No.

Imagine that like all things which inspire awe of some kind it is beautiful...and is, in fact, what all those awe-inspiring things call Home.

Imagine that those moments you hold so dear are polaroids of something greater and larger and more real than the simple moments they depict.

Beauty and brokeness are at the core of the fear of the Lord, for this is a Lord so unlike the trite usage of that term. I cringe often when people speak of "the Lord" as if he was their dog and not their God (no offense to Sadie).

We need to read the Book of Revelation NOT so we have some idiotic roadmap to Armagedon, but because the Beauty of Christ is revealed there as both Lion and Lamb.

In our brokeness we sit by the side of the road with only a cup of cold water to give, and it is beautiful in it's simplicity. He loves that we give it away and tastes it every time we do.

To deny our brokeness is to live in fear, not faith, or hope, and certainly not love. To use Merton's term, we are going "further and further from the shore" in our ceaseless activities

Prayers For Tabitha Jane and Family

2006-11-12T17:50:00.000-08:00

Tabitha Janes (one of our contributors) Grandpa died this past Saturday (Nov 11).

Pray for her and her family for comfort,peace and reconcilation.

Christ as Branch

2006-10-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

Branches at Baker Beach 2006.

The references to Christ as "Branch" are not many, but they are potent and heavy with meaning. When the Tent of the Meeting (Tabernacle) was being constructed and the Ark of the Covenant one of the related items was the lampstand hammered out of pure gold. It had six branches extending from it, three to the left and three to the right, and golden almond blossoms adorned each branch in threes.

Many people see this as a symbol of the Bible. I don't. At that time the Law would reside inside the Ark which was inside the Tent of Meeting where the glory of the Lord would reside. That is the bigger picture.

I remember once one of my best friends Rich worrying and saying "I'm just afraid you are no longer a man of the Book." I replied "The Book tells me to be a man of God, not a man of the Book."

No the Lampstand with extended branches is a picture of Christ Who in the Feast of Lights in Jerusalem stood up and said "I am the Light of the World." I read that in the Book, but the Book wishes me to go one step higher and realize the fulness of the Light of Christ this very day. Like the "shy member of the Trinity" (Bruner), the goal is to see Christ more clearly and deeply.

And then there is all that stuff about lampstands in Revelation...but I'll get to that another time.

There is another one identified as "Branch" in the Bible. Joshua. In Joshua the priestly and kingly functions are joined for the first time (that I can tell).

"Tell him this is what the Lord Almighty says: 'Here is the man whose name is the Branch, and he will branch out from his place and build the temple of the Lord. It is he who will build the temple of the Lord, and he will be clothed with majesty and will sit and rule on his throne. And he will be a priest on his throne. And there will be harmony between the two.'" Zechariah 6:12-14.

This is after God orders a crown to be placed on Joshua's head.

Now the name Jesus is a form of Joshua. In the Greek (comparing Old and New, it is the same name) and Joshua is so obviously an early picture of the Jesus to come.

Verse 15 of this same chapter is prophetic:

Those who are far away will come and help to build the temple of the Lord, and
you will know that the Lord Almighty has sent me to you. This will happen if you
diligently obey the Lord your God."

The significant teaching about "branches" in the Gospels is fifteenth chapter of John. There Jesus identifies Himself as the Vine and we as branches. This is what Merton and C.S. Lewis both meant when they talked about our calling to become "little Christs". In the same way that we are to please Christ and abide in the Vine, so Christ is the kingly/priestly Branch who abides in the Father. He only does and says what pleases the Father and it is the Father's good pleasure that all the fulness should dwell in Him and He have first place in all things (Colossians).

It is the Father's good pleasure but is it mine?

A branch in nature is a beautiful thing and it is meant to point to Christ in some small way. It is strong. You can climb on it, hang (playfully) from it, take pieces from it and make a warm fire. It also points to the unification of Christians and Israel, where we Gentiles are "ingrafted" into Kingdom life and priestly life. These functions, as my friend Rod has been reminding me, are a a part of our deeper calling as human beings.

The next time you examine a branch with fruit at the end, think of Christ as that Branch and you are the fruit. His nourishment seeps into you and you become who you were meant to be.

Names of Christ: "Bud

2006-10-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

The "Buddy Christ" from the film Dogma.

I just choose these names at random. Today it was OT references to Christ as "Bud"

The best is Zechariah 6:12 "Behold the man who's name is Bud".

Later translations have used the word "branch" which is certainly accurate. But it has to do with fruition. And no one has been more fruitful than Christ. In the full context of scripture you would have to say that fruitfulness and Christ are almost synonymous on every level imaginable.

Christ is the ultimate Anti-Entropy. He resurrects the dead, heals the sick, makes water into wine, multiplies loaves and fishes, makes disciples...not to even speak of, er.. speaking worlds into existence at initial creation. Christ is the ultimate artist, gardener (since we botched that) and does not need to birth children (ala The Da Vinci Code) because he simply birthed the whole process of birth and fecundity to begin with.

The Spriit of God is said to have brooded "over the waters". This is also a figure of birthing. It is no surprise that everything alive is "birthed". The surprise is that God Himself would allow God's self to also be birthed to meet us in Incarnation.

*******

Luis DeLeon says that Christ was able to "fructify" within Himself.

Compare that with the mistakes in the Garden of Eden. They were to cultivate, instead what they did was fixate...on the one tree not meant for them.

As a result the fruit went bad and the earth became a challenge. Barren many times and there was famine when their could have been artistry.

*******

In the modern age much has been done to try and make Jesus just our "Bud". That's what Kevin Smith understands and why he was able to do such a wicked smart version of the "Buddy Christ". Jesus as our Buddy...our Bud.

My friend Rich and I use to buy the worst "witness aids" to give to each other. The game was simple. We would pretend they were serious and then show the other how to use the Jesus mini-frisbee or the Felipe Alou witness baseball card to make new converts.

Rich was always better than me because he could keep a stright face and I would just lose it.

But one day I found one of those little bb games where you have to roles the tiny bbs around into the little holes. It was a tree of life with full branches and little holes with names that corresponded with it from the Psalms..."The Lord is my...."

I brought the witness aid up to Chico on a visit and sat Rich down and explained how he could use this little plastic bb device to convert souls. I went into great detail but I could not crack him. He took it as seriously (on the asurface) as a Greek Test. Then he looked up at me suddenly and said "Bacdon...there is a deeper lesson here than just these titles. It is....The Lord IS my BB."

So that was it for me. I was in physical pain from laughing too hard.

But it's a bit like the Lord is my "Bud".

God is Holy and Other and is not our "Buddy Christ". It is only God's grace and active love that keeps His holiness and justice from consuming our sorry asses on any given day.

"Bud" is better translated "Branch" But that for another day. Maybe tomorrow!

christianity and politics. or: the separation of church and state

2006-10-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

here are a few random babaling comments i made recently in response to a friend of mine asking about how christians should be involved in politics . . . dialogue on this issue is coveted and welcomed.

----------------------------------

i think all citizens should be involved in government. but we shouldn't press our morals and convictions upon others that haven't chosen them for themselves. that's what joining a common religion for. let the church elders enforce those "behavioral codes" and let the government do what it was elected to do: accurately represent those it was elected to represent. so, if the majority of the people they represent think same sex marriage should be legal, then they should represent those people by making it legal. let the church govern over it's members and counsel those who have chosen to submit their lives to the rule of christ. let the government govern those who have chosen to submit their lives to the government of the country they choose to live in. let's stop expecting people to be forced to live their lives like "we" think "christians" should when they haven't even made the choice to follow christ. all that does is give them a bad taste in their mouth for chrisitanity and christ.

"i like your christ, but i dislike your christians" ~who said that?

those who live in the kingdom, will follow the rule of the king. those who don't shouldn't have to be forced to follow him anyway by those who do. am i making sense? also, just because something is legal (aka: abortion or [gasp!] cigarettes) doesn't mean we have to participate in it. and we can gently and out of love counsel those near us to think these choices through as well. rather than militantly use politics to force feed people our religious convictions. it's why so many diverse cultures of people came to america in the first place: to be free to practice their religion (or non religion) as they saw fit. not as the republicans saw fit. not as the fundamental conservative christians see fit. but as they saw fit. without prejudice or persecution.

oh, how we have skewed the past.

Christ as "Mountain"

2006-10-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

View off the deck of The Citadel.

In the Bay Area we live in the shadow of two huge mountians. Mt Diablo (Spanish for "Devil") and Mt. Tamalpias (Native American for "Sleeping Maiden").

I feel fortunate to be in the literal shadow of Mt. Tam which is regarded by most people as a very spiritual place and a sort of refuge.

As you drive up Mt. Tam your whole worldview begins to change. You go from city and commerce into thick redwood forests and they wind up higher and higher. You pass by lakes filled with fish, deer herds and the salamanders crawl slowly in the dark loam while blue bellied lizards skit across the rocks. The smell is eucalyptus and rich green ferns.

It is in the shadow of this great mountain that we in Marin live and it is hard not to take notice. In the winter the snow often crests the top of Mt. Tam and children get to go up with their parents and throw snowballs.

We are overshadowed by the Sleeping Maiden.

*******

Daniel 2:34-35; Isaiah 2:2; Pslams 68:16

*******

In Hebrew the word "mountain" can mean "he who is full" or just "fulness" depending on context. But you get the idea.

The mountain of the Lord is fulness and we are like husks and grass in the lower plains that lead to the mountain by comparison. We should not despair in the least in this because He Who is the Mountain of the Lord (Christ) was incarnate and became grass like us. he did not sit on the mountain top and demand we come up...he dove down and became us.

The Mountian of the Lord Who overshadows all in glory has come to meet us in the valley he overshadows.

He is Holy. The mountains smoke with his brillant light and he has defeated the pretended "fulness" of Diablo.

*******

The "Sleeping Maiden" the Miwok named Mt. Tam after is, in my mind (not their's) the Church.
I was at the Seminary today and it feels asleep. It is a bride loved but unconscious. It is a "sleeping beauty". It's a castle with no husband to love.

I am grateful, do not get me wrong. I can walk in and study unhindered and if they do hinder me I can do a "Paul" move on them because I am technically an alumi.

Still I do not wish to. I could just order the books. I like the discipline of having to go there and sit in the stacks and do simple work.

I'm a "sleeping maiden" myself as part of the bride of Christ.

I'm just trying to wake up.

The Names of Christ

2006-10-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

The stacks at San Anselmo.

My new home an hour a day.

Preface: I attended this school in 1991. At the time I wanted to live in San Anselmo and study here, but it was too expensive. Fifteen years later, in near poverty I moved to the Bay Area and got significant work (after the dot.com crash of 2001).

Where do I end up?

San Anselmo.

Apparently I could have afforded it all along.

But my daily trips up to the Seminary now are not related to vocation or any desire to do professional ministry. In fact, I note that when I walk in the back door I get a stare or two. I am too old to be a student; and not dressed like a professor.

Worse, the building was built in the late 1880's and so I hit my head on the EXIT sign repeatedly because there were no 6'7" theologians here in 1876.

I doubt there are any now. So BANG! (twice yesterday).

Today I got a stare or two because I was wearing my McMenamins T-shirt from Portland (Tabs you can smile). I look like an aging hippie ..or like Nick Nolte on a good day.

******

But Christ is the deal. The Center and the Core and the One in Whom we where created. The Alpha and Omega.

It is notable that the great majority of books about Christ in the stacks are very old. They have largely been untouched for decades. I perused them and found Luis deLeon's book on the Names of Christ. I found rare book by Shusaku Endo, the great Japanese fiction writer, on Jesus and the Gospels..and Edersheim's classic work on the Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah.

But my job now is to take a name of Christ each day I can and write a meditiation on that.

I have decided not to be too scholarly and anal about it. I'm a poet at heart and so I will do the research but not bore you with that.

So I will be more poetic than my usual writings. And I will go deeper because Christ is unfathomable.

*******

Next.... the first name.

Love In Action

2006-09-26T04:07:00.000-07:00

I was emailing a friend about our church service on sunday and decided to share what i said here.

Ok now church on Sunday was good. pastor spoke about the church being the heartbeat of the country and that as a church we are assimilating into the world culture and not 'different' from the world.
He said we allow sin to enter our lives to easily and so the world doesn't see any difference in us to them.

I think personally that while what pastor spoke was true, what i think sets us apart more than anything is our love, forgiveness and the grace we bestow to each other.

I think the world desperately needs to see a genuine christianity in us.
We all come different places and have different ideas and have been given various gifts and we are family, we cry together and laugh together.
If the church as whole actually carried out love, forgiveness and grace i believe we would indeed be set apart from the world and its culture.

One of my favorite verses is from 1 Peter 4:8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

To stop and meditate on that verse can bring all sorts of scenarios of love in action, making the world tilt its head and say 'how can they love like that'
we simply point to Christ and the cross
the ultimate love in action.

Christ and More Christ

2006-09-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a long hard week and many distractions from without and within.

I get distracted by so many things within and without but Christ is always present. I imagine (not without good reason) that Jesus feels a bit neglected. I imagine a Bridegroom who cannot get a conversation from his Bride, not to mention attentive intimacy and devotion. She (me) sits at her computer all day, or reads magazines or sleeps or watches television.

Or I go off on a bitchy rant with the "woman" next door.

Pascal said:

All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.

It's good to sit alone in the room with the Lover of your soul.

Hinduism & Christianity

2006-09-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

It's clear from the state of my own blog that I'm back at school. Greek is taking most of my time, so my posts are mostly pointing readers to stuff other people have said. Ah well, for everything there is a season...

My other course is John Stackhouse's World Religions, which I'm thoroughly enjoying. My reasons for taking the course are many, but they include something Dr. Stackhouse himself outlined during our first lecture: Some of these folks are doing God's will, and we have much to learn from them. Fascinating.

We're starting off with Hinduism, and I've already been struck by something very, very significant from my way of thinking. It seems from my reading that Hindus don't differentiate between orthodoxy and orthopraxy, between belief and practice. My Eastman text puts it this way:

"Every Indian system seeks the truth, not as academic "knowledge for its own sake," but to learn the truth which shall make men free. This is not, as it has been called, the modern pragmatic attitude. It is much larger and much deeper than that. It is not the view that truth is measured in terms of the practical, but rather that the truth is the only sound guide for practice, that truth alone has efficacy as a guide for man in his search for salvation....
In India, philosophy is for life; it is to be lived. It is not enough to know the truth; the truth must be lived. The goal of the Indian is not to know the ultimate truth but to realize it, to become one with it."
(Eastman, ed. p. 17)

With this as context, Gandhi's quote makes even more sense to me:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Mahatma Gandhi

So this morning at about 4:30 am (damned insomnia) I was up doing a little surfing. Checking my blog stats I saw a hit from someone who googled a statement from Bill Maher that I posted almost two years ago:

"I mean, the teachings of Jesus are a great moral guide. Jesus is one of the greatest role models I can think of. It's a shame that Christianity has gone so far from the teachings of Jesus. I don't know anyone less Jesus-like than most Christians."
Bill Maher

And finally, well, get this: As I sat on the bus this morning the guy sitting next to me pulls out a copy of David Watson's I Believe in The Church. I glanced over his shoulder and read this:

"A Hindu poet, Rabindranath Tagore, said to a Christian leader in India, 'On that day when we see Jesus Christ living out his life in you, on that day we Hindus will flock to your Christ even as doves flock to their feeding ground.'"
(p. 305)

I think Someone is trying to tell me something.

You know, the video "If We Are His Body" has been making the rounds this week. (I think I saw it first over at the Mission.) Somedays the cynic in me wants to say, "If we are his body... somebody better call 911."

To Enter God's Kingdom II

2006-09-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Yet another riff on Mark 10:17-22
(Inspired by Derek Webb)

I bumped into Jesus the other day. This kind of thing doesn’t happen often so I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to speak to the Master himself.

“Jesus,” I said, “I’m trying my best to live life as your apprentice. What do I need to do?”

“Listen,” Jesus replied. “You know the guidelines my Father set out—they’re for your benefit.” He counted them off on his fingers as he listed them: “Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, honour your father and mother."

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty good with all those.” I said “Those are definitely effective rules for a good life.”

I struggled for the right words. “But I want to do more. I want to be your hands and feet, and your voice. I want to help bring about your Kingdom. What else? What am I missing?”

Jesus looked at me with warmth in his eyes, yet I was locked in his grip. I could not move as he said softly, “Well, there is one thing...”

“What?” I pleaded.

He looked at me for a moment, then said “You tell me.”

My confusion must have been obvious because Jesus smiled at me.

“What are you holding back?” He asked.

“”Nothing.” I responded. “I’ve given you my life, asked you into my heart, accepted you as my personal Lord and Saviour, been born again, washed in the blood, redeemed, saved and sanctified. You name it—I’ve claimed it!”

“Yes, yes.” Jesus said with a hint of impatience. “I think I remember hearing something about that. We’re all very pleased. But what are you holding back?”

“Nothing.” I said wearily, as I averted his gaze.

“Mike.” He said it quietly, yet I had no choice. I turned my head and looked him in the eyes.

“What are you holding back?”

I didn’t as much hear the words as I felt them. Every cell in my body shook as he spoke. I heard the words in my head, in my heart and in my soul. I heard the words outside of time and space. The words soaked me like rain.

I turned my body to face Jesus directly and named the thing that I just couldn’t give him.

“What a coincidence,” Jesus said. “That’s exactly what I want.”

awesome conversation

2006-08-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

awesome conversation going on on this blog feel free to join in!

peace,
tabitha jane

Guess What!!!

2006-08-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

One of our own contibutors has a
BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TABITHA JANE!!!!!!

V For Vendetta: You Have No Fear Anymore

2006-08-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

This weekend, in the midst of doing some thinking and reading about fear, we saw V For Vendetta. I loved it. It was everything we've come to expect from The Wachowski Brothers: moving, violent, political and spiritual, all at the same time. (I'm definitely going to need to read the original graphic novel.)

But back to the idea of fear...

'Dying to self' means many things. I'm starting to see that one thing it means is 'dying to fear.'

What keeps us from following Jesus?

Fear.

Following Jesus? You mean, really following Jesus? Yes.

You mean the "sell your house, sell your suv, sell your stocks, sell your security and give it to the poor" kind of following Jesus? Yes.

You mean the "leave the boat, the nets and your dear old dad" kind of following Jesus? Yes.

You mean that kind of following Jesus? Yes.

But, what would happen to my )career, house, family, money, reputation, future, stuff)? (Choose your current favorite.)

Fear places us in an untenable conflict. We know we should, but we can't. So we don't. Instead, we change the reality of what it means to follow Jesus into something less frightening. Then we do that.

In V for Vendetta, we resonated with a number of spiritual parallels, all dealing in one way or another with the idea of fear.

In what was for me the most powerful sequence of the movie, Evey (Natalie Portman's character) is faced with a choice. For the last time, she must choose between betraying V, or forfeiting her own life. Will she do it? Calmly she replies, "No." The response from her 'captor' is quietly earth-shattering. "Then you have no fear anymore. You are completely free." She has seen through her fear, moved past it, and it no longer has any hold on her. She has died to it. Without spoiling it for you, Evey ends up in the rain, in what I saw as a baptism of sorts, and reflects ecstatically, "God is in the rain."

Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth."
(Hosea 6:3)

Surely God is indeed in the rain.

One other powerful scene for me was V's (Hugo Weaving's character) escape from his own 'prison'.

To do so he must go through the fire, but he is not destroyed by it. If anything, he is created by it.

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through
the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not
overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and
the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel
(Isaiah 43:1-3)

Both characters must choose to escape their own prisons. In doing so they die to their own fears and find that they have become fully alive.

This past week I've been reading through Brad Jersak's Fear No Evil. In that book Jersak has included the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear from Frank Herbert's great novel (and movie!) Dune:

I must not fear.
Fear is the Mind-Killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past
I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Can we truly follow Jesus? To do so we must walk through the fire, we must find God in the rain, and we must die to ourselves and our fears.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Straight And Narrow

2006-08-09T05:04:00.000-07:00

I have been reading proverbs today and i came along these particular versus

My child,* listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life. I will teach you wisdom's ways and lead you in straight paths. If you live a life guided by wisdom, you won't limp or stumble as you run. Carry out my instructions; don't forsake them. Guard them, for they will lead you to a fulfilled life. (proverbs 4:10-13)

I found something here that causes me to rebel in my flesh.
God sets boundries and i am supposed to stay within them. If i knowingly work outside those boundries i best be prepared for discipline. So often i may walk in a way that doesn't seem all that harmful, yet, God will say 'don't got that way'.

I have learned it isn't whether it is harmful or not. I am not to go that way.

It is about submission....

YUCK!
i HATE that word!
It is a SWEAR word!!!

Why do i feel that way? Because it usually means that i must sacrifice something.
We all know what God is telling us, we just don't know if we can handle being within boundries.
you know what....
We can't handle being within boundries.
We panic and say i can't LIVE if i do that! Oh! how we pull a spiritual tantrum!

We can also be afraid to submit, we feel we may whither and die!
I have used that excuse enough that i think i finally have had enough discipline from God to stop using it. (remember i said 'i think')

It just seems that going outside the boundries isn't worth the discipline i receive.
Yet, i am thankful for that discipline because now that i stay within the boundries i have greater freedom. Yeah, that sounds strange, within a boundry i am free. It seems that i am given a lot more than i ever had. I am healthier in body mind and spirit. I feel as if i am breathing fresh air.

We also should remember that my boundries and not the same as your boundries. God may give you liberty in an area where he has it quite narrow for me. That is why we are not to judge.
---------------------

Oh look! there is a beautiful fruit tree over there! (past the boundry) I NEED that! It is so good to look at and it must be tasty. Afterall fruit is good for me!! It will help me stay healthy and strong.

what?....what?....God i know it is past the boundry but it isn't anything harmful.....

Simple Prayers for the Harders

2006-06-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

Years ago I went to a small startup church in Roseville. It was a good church, but not right for me. But it was right for my oldest son Sean who made deep bonds of friendship and fellowship in the fullest terms.

They had a young youth minister named Dan who really did a great job. And very much in the middle of it all were the Harders. I believe they had four sons, but I really only got to know Tim very well, then I also knew Steve and Zach.

Ron Harder, a sometime minister with a deep and wide heart, and I would get together sometimes for lunch, and when we moved into the house on Alola, Chris, his wife came over to help. Very sweet and spiritual people.

Well Zach died a few days ago. He was at the river and he drowned.

Of course my son, and others are devastated. Much more so are Ron, Chris and the boys.

The Harders are a spirited lot in every sense, and passionate about their own family, God and others. They feel deeply, which in a time like this must be excruciating.

I cannot fathom their pain, so I ask you to simply pray for them.

Zach loved God and is doing well...better than the rest of us. But pray for his family. Pray also for my son Sean. Pray for their mutual friend Clinton who drove up with Tim from SoCal to be with the parents. Clinton has a pastor's heart.

I thank you all for doing this.

I Think Its About Forgiveness

2006-06-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

"If the heart is cleansed by the love of Jesus Christ, and if the heart loves Him, one can resist all tortures. What would a loving bride not do for a loving bridegroom? ...God will judge us not according to how much we endured, but how much we could love. The Christians who suffered for their faith in prisons could love. I am a witness that they could love God and men." -Richard Wurmbrand, Tortured for Christ

Everytime i read anything by Richard Wurmbrand i am brought to shame. This man who suffered greatly for the faith had the ability to love his torturers. After he would be beaten and thrown in his cell, he would pray for them. I read about those things and i see the smallness of my faith
Such an outward example Wurmbrand showed of Jesus words on the cross: 'Father forgive them they don't know what they are doing'

Perhaps Jesus was trying to express without forgiveness there is no love?

perhaps i am making it to simple?

I don't know but, forgiveness is a tall order to live out sometimes.

SISTERS OF EPHESUS

2006-06-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

i wrote this poem for a women's class i am taking. we are studying the book of ephesians

Sisters join hands and light your lamps
Braid your hair
Wash your hands
Sing your song for
The One we long for
Comes riding on the dawn

He has come to bring us peace
To make the many one
Let war and anger and fighting cease
O sisters come

Join hands and walk with me
In His path
All are free
Have no fear for
He is here for
To cast out shadows with His love

Join hands stand firm in faith
He will wash with water
Blot out stains
Presented Holy for
Our bridegroom fully for
A fragrant sacrifice

He has come to bring us peace
To make the many one
Let war and anger and fighting cease
O sisters come

With His mystery
You’ll be discovering
I heard you whispering
Of recovery
No longer infants for
The war is over

We stepped from the sea
Firm land beneath our feet
Speaking truth indeed
The captive’s been set free

We are now possessed by His love
Clothed by His grace

Armed by our faith

Wake up daughter dear
Rise from the dead
Christ will shine on you
Just like the prophets said

You’re a child of truth and a child of light
Rest in His peace
There is no need to fight

There is no need to fight

He has come to bring us peace
To make the many one
Let war and anger and fighting cease
O sisters come

O sisters come

And sing
You fill me
With full measure
You fill everything in every way

Evangelism: The Two-sided Coin

2006-06-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

A minister/thinker/speaker whom I respect, Tim Keller at Redeemer Pres in NYC, calls the gospel the "good news and bad news" scenario. First, the bad news: "You are much more of a sinner than you'll ever know". Next, the good news: "Jesus loves you more than you can even imagine" (my paraphrasing). Keller's communication of the gospel is then firstly communicating the person and/or congregation's sin, then in communicating the gospel love of a God who loves so much he died on the cross in your/our stead.

My point? As evangelists (normal everyday Jesus' followers who speak with their friends, co-workers, people in the neighborhood, work, and even church), we EMPHASIZE one of those two aspects of the gospel more than the other.

In a nutshell: We overemphasize the WRONG aspect with the WRONG crowd. It's not that telling the "bad news" of the gospel is bad, it's just that it is NOT what the nonchristian or bruised-reed christian needs to have emphasized. The nonchristian will shush it away like more guilt-ridden fundy bible-thumping, and the bruised reed christian will shrink away in more shame and guilt. The very aspect of the gospel these groups of people do NOT need emphasized. They need to hear the "good news", that there is indeed a God of love, with love for them, in spite of what they might have done, enough so that He died on the cross so they could be set free; both in the present life and the everlasting life to come.

Conversely, the "bad news" of the gospel is what should be preached to the Pharisaical church. Those who pat themselves on the back about how righteous or right they are compared to the homosexual, democrat, tobacco smoking, hard-drinking, and/or adulterous people they actively try to avoid, are the VERY people who need to be reminded that THEY are more sinful than they realize. In reality, Jesus' message of harsh criticism was always to the religious people we might call fundamentalists or even evangelicals today.

Getting back to a few previous posts, our evangelism then to those outside the church, outside the faith, seekers, bruised-reeds, and fallen-warriors on the bleeding edges of the church ought to NOT emphasize the bad news, but rather to emphasize the good. NOT that we would sugar-coat or avoid the bad news of sinfulness, but in context overwhelm the message with the good news of love.

G2

The Great Commission: Getting it Wrong.

2006-05-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

It seems that many folks are attempting to live out what they call the Great Commission without living out the Great Commandment:

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

If one is so eager to go out and make disciples of all nations then go about it in the manner that Jesus made disciples, by loving people and standing in the margins of the world that religion often neglects.

Risk your reputation and go to where your religious friends are unwilling to go. Let the pastors and priests question you and call you names. Let them admonish you and tell you how wrong you are for the way you welcome and include those your church won’t let inside its walls unless it follows the laws of the church. Let folks doubt your sanity. Let them despise you for how much you love those they think are so unlovable.

The great commission isn’t, go and manipulate and coerce people to act, think and believe like you think they should. There was a reason folks followed Jesus. He loved them! Jesus didn’t try to “sell” himself to his potential followers.

I don’t read in the NT of Jesus saying, “Dude, don’t you realize just what an awful sinner you are? You are a worthless piece of crap. You ought to be happy that I came to rescue you despite what a horrible person you are. I’m getting ready to take a major hit for your sorry ass and if you could only get that through your thick head or stubborn heart and just believe it, then you’d be saved.”

Jesus did not command his followers to go and convince people that they are morally bankrupt.

That’s not the gospel.
That’s not love.
And it isn’t the Great Commission.

It is impossible to live out the Great Commission without first living out the Great Commandment.

So if we are so eager to go out and “win one for Jesus” then only way that will be accomplished is through self-emptying love. That's the way of Jesus. If we want to do something for Jesus 'cause we think we are supposed to, then go out and do it to the "least of these" wherever you find them and you can have total peace in your soul that you have it done for and to Jesus.

We are not called to save people's souls. That's God's job, and Jesus said "it is finished."

As Christians, we are called to love one another and thereby bring about wholness to all people.

I hear the word mature Christian tossed around in some circles. The mark of a mature follower of Christ is the way one loves. I have met very few mature Christians, myself included.

“This is how they will know that God sent me (that I am the One); by the way you love another."

He did not say they will know that I am the one by the way you boycott movies, read your bibles, preach and quote the bible out of context to others.

Follow the great commandment in the manner of Jesus and you’ll be living the great commission.

Slamming the Kingdom Door: Evangelism gone bad.

2006-05-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

Where’s the life?

One of the major claims of Jesus was that he came to give humanity life and life to the full-- abundant life; life overflowing; life that comes through God and awakening to the kingdom of God within us. He came to allow us to be living organisms filled with God, or perhaps better stated, to recognize that we are living organisms filled with the Divine.

And yet, many who claim to follow him seem to be weighed down in fear, dread, and heavy burdens heaved on them by the rigors of religious life and church doctrines. The story of freedom, grace and love that has drawn folks to the feet of Jesus has often been translated by particular doctrines of the church into laws that people cannot bear; rules and regulations that oppress people and take life.

For Jesus, love gives life. It is love of God, self and others that Jesus encouraged and demonstrated by his life’s example. That is the greatest command. Love sums up the whole law.Too often love is blinded by religious laws. There’s talk about freedom and grace but many within the walls of the church seem to be blinded by the rules that one must adhere to or else run the risk of falling from this grace.

To think that parts of the church hasn’t taken the command of love and life and turned it into a law of death and fear is denial. Many religious leaders have rejected Jesus’ idea for life in God and settle for their brand of religion. I meet people every day who seem to love God and want to open their souls to the Spirit but are literally afraid that somehow they have made God angry.

There is this prevailing fear that keeps them in bondage to some human-made religious laws. And despite the talk of grace within the church, many have become modern day Pharisees who slam shut the door of the kingdom in others’ faces. Many go to great lengths to convert people to their brand of religion only to make some of these folks a child trapped in the hell of religion and law.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are."

It is hard to draw near to God when one is trapped in law and religion. Too many folks feel like children trapped in hell by their religion. As his followers we are not the gatekeepers of the kingdom. To think taht we are gatekeepers is to stand in opposition to Jesus' life and ministry like the religious authorities did.

The door to the “kingdom within” is not opened for some and closed for others who do not think, believe, follow and satisfy our religious laws. Jesus has kicked open the doors to the Kingdom of God and all people are invited in. That's Good News. Evangelsim is pointing toward God's open door and hold the door open for all to enter through.

He said I am the way, the truth, and the life and no one comes to the Father but through me. Jesus’ way was love. Jesus’ truth was love. Jesus’ life was love. That’s the way to God-- Jesus' way-- love, not law.

You have been set free, don’t allow yourself to become in bondage again with the yoke of slavery. Break free from the grip of religious authorities and run toward the open door. Jesus is there with his arms stretcheded-out wide to welcome you home.You are no longer slaves to the oppressive legalism of religion and church doctrines but have been set free and are now friends of Jesus.

Walk in your freedom and know that when you do, you walk with Jesus.

Incarnational Coding

2006-05-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

I got an anonymous ref to a Chronicle article on the Da Vinci Code and Gnosticism. The Chron runs an ongoing series on spirituality that is quite good and I enjoy it.

Why me?

I figure because the person knew I would write about it. Smart.

Oh hell...okay. Sigh...

But I'm gonna make it quick.

I enjoyed the interview with the Sophian Gnostic HERE

It's a very good and honest accounting of much of Gnosticism from past to present. The one ding I'll give is saying "original Christians" when who he is talking about are people three to four hundred years after the fact. That is like calling Mario Cuomo's great great grandson as a candidate in 2104 an original "Founding Father."

Sorry. Do the math.

Gnosticism is like the loyal opposition to biblical faith. It's far nobler and a better foil than Legalism which is turgid and stupid. As you might expect, there is nothing stupid about Gnosticism (root word means "knowledge").

On the positive side it plays to the best in people. The Interview-ee noted the issue of original sin. It's not that big a deal as we seem to do fine all on our own in fucking things up. So maybe you are born pure...it goes downhill after that. Six of one...

But they talk of the "divine spark" and this is also in line with Christian faith. In fact, the Bible talks about reflected glory and actual participation in and with God. That's not a spark, it's a fire as is the Holy Spirit.

The attraction to Gnosticsm has always fed off of Christianity's tendency to drift back into a deadly and faith-denying Legalism. Who doesn't want knowledge and divine light when the alternative is a bunch of judgmental assholes who pick at the Bible like carrions on dead flesh?

I'd go that way given the two choices. Better conversations and better parties.

But I don't have to. And neither do you.

In both cases: Legalism and Gnosticism, you end up pulling yourself upward by your own bootstraps either morally or intellectually to try and please God. Both are fine things to do on some practical level, but get real.

Incarnation is the opposite movement. It moves down and becomes flesh...God becomes flesh. It's a rescue and you are the object of rescue. This God also embodies..physically and in all ways, both the Law and also all Knowledge (though thats a bit tricky). Moreover...this God changes the agenda once incarnate. It is no longer about correct knowledge or correct morality - neither of which we have the least possible chance of attaining. It's about LOVE.

Faith, Hope and Love. These three "abide" and that is what our hard-hearted Legalist friends do not understand, and it is what our warm-headed Gnostics do not get because they want it on their terms. They want to control it and God and that's lunacy.

Does that make sense? Do you really think you can be good enough or smart enough?

I'm neither.

It's not in my DNA and that's the real coding and the real mystery.

Are We There Yet?

2006-05-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Now during those days he [Jesus] went out to the mountain to pray; and he spent the night in prayer to God. (Luke 6:12)

I have a friend who recently returned from a trip to Israel. This was a very active trip; they did a lot of hiking, a lot of talking and a lot of praying. Over lunch last week he recounted one day's activities that has stuck with me.

It seems on this particular day they were to climb a rather high mountain. All the way up my friend had a conversation with God about the futility of what they were doing. "We could be seeing important sites, but no, here we are climbing this dusty mountain, wasting our time!" (God answered my friend, but His response was personal, and that is not my story to tell.)

After several hours of this, the group finally crested the summit, to see.... nothing. Well, there was a nice view, but no ruins - nothing to indicate this barren mountain top was of any significance at all.

"Where are we?", they asked the guide.
"We're on top of a mountain," was the rather sarcastic answer.
"What mountain? Is this place important?"
"Not particularly, other than the fact that Jesus probably climbed it, because it's the highest peak in the area. It's just a mountain."

This news was not received well by my friend and his exhausted colleagues.

Then, the guide went on to explain to them the Pharisaical tradition of climbing a mountain to pray. The climbing part took hours, and drained them of their energy - of themselves. When they reached the top, they would literally fall down prostrate.

"How do you feel?", asked the guide.
"We're totally fried!"
"Feel like collapsing? Too tired to think?"
"Yes!"
"Good. You're finally ready to pray."

And stripped of their own thoughts, agendas and laundry lists, each of them went off to pray for those God placed on their hearts and minds. My friend tells me he has never experienced prayer like that before.

"Now during those days he went out to the mountain to pray; and he spent the night in prayer to God."

May each of us learn what it is to empty ourselves of ourselves, even as Christ did, as we approach God and commune with Him.

D'oh!

2006-05-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, Macman. Often it feels as though life (and God) is unfair, the deck is stacked against us, or ... at the very least, we feel "dumped" on. Speaking of that, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Sign of the Times Squared, Part 4

2006-05-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

Look Denis Leary is on fire.

Questioning God is the job of all real followers (no pun intended). As children of God we ask as children. We are still called to obey (not that many of us are very good at it). The God who is more giving than we good parents can bear all our questions. He even gave us the Psalms to give us lessons on how to bitch, question and moan.

*******

I think Truth is paradoxical. It’s also not static anymore than love is. God is love. God is always on the move.

David ended many a bitch session with “Yet will I praise Thee.”

Not a bad idea. But go ahead and bitch.

My 8 year old daughter is quite articulate. She can have quite a session from time to time. I listen and hear her out. It costs me little but helps her. Now if I, being "evil" know how to give good gifts to my childre, how much more God (that's a Jesus quote about bread, snakes and stones).

That's why I tell God everything...and I mean everything. Every fear, every suspicion, every doubt. I do not feel condemned...quite the opposite. Think of your own friends or children...do you despise those who trust you with everything?

Better, I have a certain faith in Jesus Himself. Actually, like Anne Lamott, Jesus is really the only Being I trust with everything all the time. Even the best of you (and you know who you are) have got to be watched.

Which brings us full circle to the "scandal of particularity".

"Jesus is the Only Way" or so they say and they have verses to proof-text this.

Then we have the "Chosen People" as Tabs has pointed out...then the other "Chosen People". Then Calvin chimes in and before you know it the whole system is an automated mess like when you call for customer service and are never heard from again.

Oh...and also schizophrenic! You're in or out depending on God's choosing, but your works will be judged, but your sins are nailed to the tree if you are one of the Chosen so it really matters what you do but doesn't at all.

WTF? Thats quadrophrenic if you ask me.

The clarity comes with faith. No one who wants God and has faith in God and wants to be with God will be denied.

God isn't nearly as screwed up theologically as we are.

********

My girlfriend is not a "believer". She is open but does not experience God as alive at this time.

She would like to. Like I said she is open. She says she is just waiting for a "tap on the shoulder".

I just do not have the authority or pull with either of them to get them on a date. And I won't manipulate or coerce. My God tells me that is improper and dumb (though Yahweh is not above that sort of thing...but God is held to a different standard I suppose). He simply asks me to love the both of them, er...He and she. I try to do both. This is all I know to do.

But I cannot conceive that this woman whom I love, respect, trust and who is one of the finest people I have ever known is simply not "Chosen". Hell? Get out.

I think there must be a whole other way of seeing that we are not using. My only clue is that Truth may be paradoxical. or often paradoxical (God is not so tied to our paradigms...in fact they are His and we simply stumble over them from time to time).

Is God exclusive?

There is too much evidence that God is. But how so?

We use to think that it was impossible to reconcile the period between death and resurrection with "immediately being with the Lord". We know know that simply speeding things up to the speed of light makes everything NOW. It's a simple fix and might actually be true (ha).

I think we are asking the wrong questions.

It's that simple. We have blocked ourselves into a dualistic mindset of in or out. It's not that there is no precedent biblical (what and tares, sheep and goats) but those do not superceed the love and mercy of God for every human whose hairs are numbered by the infiniate mind, heart, grace and love of God.

"Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, for my budden is light and my yoke is easy".~Jesus

That's a world away from who is in and who is out.

Choose that.

Sign of the Times Squared, Part 3

2006-05-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

Tabs has this very good question about being "Chosen".

One of my last girlfriends was Jewish and Hispanic. They truly are chosen by God. I mean, I felt lucky to choose her, but she chose to un-choose me. God is not the only one who is fickle or discerning.

But I remember joking with her about how she was “chosen” and I was just one of the “extra-people”. Of course this was ironic because she was an agnostic leaning towards atheism and I am an ordained minister (non-practicing…or so they say). No matter.

I’m not touching the issue of those lived and died before Christ except to say that Paul intimates that their conscience was in full force. We have no excuse. We have a lamb slain for our sins , and perhaps the sins of the whole world should they care to accept such.

Christendom has been made formulaic. But it is not so if you read the narratives. It has always been story. Why does God love story? I honestly do not know. But I do know you are created in God’s image and you think that way. You think “story”. You see your life as narrative.

That’s all I know. Maybe I’ll get it next week. If so, I'll write a story about it.

You like to plan out your story even though you do not know what will happen. God may know what will happen but we have a horrific freedom within that story.

God “saw fit” to unfold Incarnation in a most unsual way, yet one reflective of the scandal of Incarnation…of a God who is also fully human.

God has a genealogy ripe with all that humanity is. Yahweh is not only the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob....He gets born down their way and gets to hear their story from the far end.

Sign of the Times Squared Part 2

2006-05-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

When I got back to my hotel I lay down and wondered about my own “salvation”. The only thing I know in life really is to cling tenaciously to Jesus…or be open as such.

Oh...and it's important to love with actions. Oh...and forgive..but see I wouldn't know any of that without Jesus, or at least far less.

The next day, I was in a park just off the subway after the Yankee game. A woman, Middle Eastern, approached me for money for her children and herself. Her name was Maria. She was no beggar, not that it mattered to me. I could only give her $10 but I promised after talking to pray for her daily, and I have since then. For Maria and her children. It was not meaningless gesture. I believe God hears my prayers..for other people.

You are gonna have to pray for me because that's the deal.

Is God a prick? (original context was Tab's questionings, which are always good and clear).

Let's be honest. We all have shaken our fist at God for being a prick and we have all blamed God for things that our mostly our own damned mess.

I know I have and do.

But this God had the audacity to come down and have a prick.

Let that sink in.

God is not far off or detached from the human condition. In fact, God as a man was more involved than any human ever has been if you think about it in Jesus. And Jesus said “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.”

We all blame God and God takes all our blame then does something about it.

But we gotta own our own mess in order to see that the blood is originally on our hands...not vice-versa. It just end's up on His.

Freedom is a horrible and wonderful thing.

Sign of the Times Squared Part 1

2006-05-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

I decided to do a separate Post as Tabs asked my opinion. As usual it will be in parts with artwork so you have to read up or wait for new installments. Remember this site is free.

I have been in New York and did not see her posts or the great responses until now…today.

I’ll start with a non-sequiter, or sidestory at best. I was in Times Square and a group of cultists was assembled in military camouflage and wearing arm bands and belts with the Star of David on them. They were all black men with bow staffs and one was preaching from the Bible. They were angry, and, with my usual caution, I immediately went around to talk with one of them. He placed his bow staff firmly in front of me.

“Dude…” I said.

“You keep your distance!” he commanded and the older man to my left (see picture) looked at me like I was Satan himself. Big tall white Satan.

“What’s your deal?” I asked nicely.

He explained a bit then asked me point bank “was Jesus white?”

“Nope…dark brown at the very least…certainly not white.”

“Well okay then” he said relaxing his bow staff. Then he explained how the nation of Israel alone would be saved. You have to be a Jew.

We talked for awhile, then I asked him why Paul had been an apostle to the Gentiles and why most of the New Testament letters in the Bible in his hand were written to those outside of Israel?

He got pissed.

I looked at the old gent to my left and he looked at me as if I was dog crap on his shoe. He would not reply. I kept an eye on his bow staff in case it was headed for my cranium. Taking his queue, the younger man would no longer talk with me. He turned to the side and ignored me. I left him with a blessing and let him know I didn;t take it personally.

A block farther on I was again leafleted by Scientologists. I took the pamphlet but said respectfully “Engrams are a fiction”. It was my fourth Scientologist of the day.

He called after (not unkindly) “At least you know what they are”.

I turned and said (equally kind and with compassion) “and that they are not.”

Next there were Krishna’s. They seemed the happiest. A simple joy in singing. They were the most respectful and seemed most free of real crap. Of course they were singing and not discussing.

**********

You have to ask yourself "what are all these people looking for...and what am I looking for?"

ephesians . . . why does god seem like such a prick sometimes?

2006-05-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

i know that sounds harsh but hear me out . . .

i have been reading ephesians lately and in this book paul talks about this "mystery" that god had for ages past and only then decided ("saw fit") to reveal to a few select people.

the mystery was that the gentiles could be coheirs with the jews through christ and receive salvation . . .

the reason this gets me is this: why did god wait so long before he "saw fit" to finally say, "ok, you gentiles can be saved . . ." what about all those people who for "ages past" were kept out of the "in" crowd.

it seems so exlusionary.

i know, i know, "god is god, tabitha jane, s/he can have compassion and grace on those s/he choses to have compassion and grace . . . it isn't your place to question such things."

but i still have questions.

i am glad the mystery was revealed though. and that god seems passionate about unity and reconciliation between groups of people who have been enemies for so long . . . it would be like W suddenly moving to iraq and living there in peace for the rest of his life. i like that. god can do those things. so why couldn't this mystery have been revealed at the beginning? i don't like how the israelites killed all those people in the old testament because they weren't the "chosen people" and now all of the sudden in ephesians they are suddenly "chosen."

it's like setting a prisinor free who has been held captive all his life (for no apparent reason) and inviting him over to your house for a banquet and asking him to be your best friend for life.

and maybe that's the point.

i guess, at the end of day, despite my questions, the question is "tabitha jane, do you still believe? are you willing to stick around even though you don't understand it all?"

am i?

Daniel Lanois Saved my Soul

2006-04-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

Shine. Buy it.

I'm awash with this modern world. I'm like faded jeans stripped off a dead man and left in the shallows. I am raw...naked...afraid. I want refuge in God. It's hard to find anymore.

I want a David, called to come and sing to my troubled Saul's heart.

So comes Daniel Lanois. The man so lovingly and caring behind our heroes. U2 , Gabriel...Eno. Yet he plumbs deeper. He makes me cry and he also soothes my soul as I throw spears at the wall.

Listen and kiss, or weep, or fall back into the full grace of God. You will not be disappointed.

Shine.

Spiritual Entropy

2006-04-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

I wrote a long response to Tabs and Wademan's post and reply. It would not post. It kept asking me for "verification" and I would type the letters out and no...nothing. Just another slash of slanted letters to type in over and over.

This is not unusual as of late. Entropy (collapse and decline) seem to be focused on all my systems.

I spend all day yesterday trying to get my internet and phone systems to work. I tried many different solutions, each one of them shrewd and deliberate. In the end I had 7 new programs on two computers, none of which worked correctly. Yahoo suddenly had funds of mine but I had no service...then you cannot find their customer service number unless you search for disgruntled customers. When you call you are placed through a phalanx of messages and choices that take about 30 minutes to get you to an actual person.

Then he tells you your phone reception is bad and he cannot understand your rantings. The phone goes dead and dark. You pull up your Webby Nominated web site but it won't load...YET until some wind shifts at Comcast and it decides it will. When it does, all your feature photos are missing and the photo section is down.

It’s okay…just thousands of folk want to evaluate your site.

So you go and buy a Blackberry cell phone. It doesn't work because the sim chip won’t fit and the clip breaks off. It looks back at you with colorful contempt.

It's a continual mess. I just tried to post this draft…it timed out.

Just like the Church..but it is all we have unless you wish to go back to carrier pigeons.

I assume most of them were eaten on the way.

__________________

Wade's point about an organism rather than organization would parallel the idea of Christianity and Christendom (that Kierkegaard so battled).

The Church as Body is so very different than the organization. It functions in the Holy Spirit who decides what callings and gifts we have as gift-love for each other.

I was emailing a friend (who is part of this little band) about how lopsided our friendship is. She does far more for me and is far more attentive than I am. But the Body is not a democracy..it is a living thing. And so it is true that some people I befriend and serve are not in a position or place to reciprocate. It is lopsided. In turn, I mostly abuse my best friends. I ignore them, miss important functions and drink and swear too much when they come by for a visit (which is usually on their dime). Yet we are connected and those connections are different but real.

I do not do well in organized "Church" unless I can be subversive...and I mean that in the truest sense..."sub-VERSES" the Bible is the alternative text or verse. It is living Word in some strange way.

God is not so ungracious as to insist that churches really love Him. He is the ultimate Hosea and we are Gomer (or as I once said in a poem "Ameri-Gomer"). Thus even in the shut-down churches there are always pockets of Gospel.

I recently went to church for the first time in a year. I went and sat with my friend and we were both a bit bored and untouched. It was, I think the passivity and the show which seemed tired however faithful.

Later we walked for lunch and discussed. I'm not sure we had any answers and it wasn't hyper-critical (I agree with Wade that we need more compassion for the Church). But as we sat and talked and wolfed down our lox, capers (for him) and an amazing omelette (me) ...the waitress came by and flirted a bit and he looked spiff in his priest's collar it all kind of warmed up. Maybe it's as simple as two or more gathering who love one another. I know I love this man and he draws Christ out from within me as we explore.

The Church is a mystical Body...and it is alive. I wrote a poem that I will attempt (unsuccessfully) to post here in a bit called "Not Speaking to the Dead" and what it really means is to speak to the places of LIFE.

We are most the Church when Christ is loved and SEEN, where we, as Tabs suggests, engage in nitty-gritty love regardless of belief systems and where groups of folk ask themselves what their own callings are and engage in them.

It's pretty simple, even if we are not.

Well all connections are failing. Entropy. I have to reboot all systems in hopes I may be able to transmit. Maybe God feels a lot that way with us as Gomer. I suspect the Spirit most so…wishing to exalt Christ and finding an unwilling and spoiled Bride. Or worse, one who just fails to show at the alter because she had to have her nails done.

What's the answer to spiritual entropy?

Grace, and the faith, hope, and love which eminate from the gracious heart of God.

We are taught that Christ alone holds all things together and is the source of all these things for it pleases God for it to be so.

Romans 8 is the answer to all Entropy.

~Mac out

2006-04-18T11:48:00.000-07:00

i was reading a friend's post about bringing people to christ (or actually, more specifically, planting a church and bringing them to church).

in the post he posed the question:
"How does one get (get is a poor word, but it will suffice)
unchurched people into relationship with Jesus?
In the past I've always answered with cliche answers like "Try to live like Jesus", or "If we only had/did -fill the blank- then people would come" or... Though there is truth to some of that, the reality is those answers are ways of getting around the fact that Jesus should permeate so much more than just our Sunday mornings, or even our moral lifestyle. There is a definite difference between churches that are obviously growing and churches that are not. I don't know what the reasons are, but certain churches grow like wildfire, they touch lives, they exist as ambassadors of Gods grace and hope. Other churches have the same message and yet do not touch their community. What's the difference? How are the growing churches getting people in their doors? and why don't all churches do that? "

my answer was as follows:
"First, stop calling them “unchurched.” This is giving you the wrong idea all together. Maybe bringing them to church is not the first step. I think the first step is loving them. Go to where they are and love them. Meet their needs in a physical, nitty gritty, dirty way. Love. Them. Christ walked among the people, healed them and blessed them and met their needs. Show them this. Build relationships with them. Show them that you care for them and love them. Then introduce them to your community. But perhaps not your formal worship. Instead invite them to a book group, an art show put on by your church community, a yard work day at the home of an elderly person, whatevah. Show them that your community truly cares for them and WHY (Christ). Live the resurrection life in front of them. Show them what it looks like to have Christ come in (with his body—that’s YOU) and redeem the world. show them that your community will not judge them, will welcome them, will give them a safe place to be themselves to ask questions and to utilize their talents and abilities. Let them know that if they have a passion for social action (i.e. working with refugees) that your community of Christ followers would love to work with them on setting something up and giving them an outlet for their talents to be put to use for Christ. So many people who do not have relationship with Christ wont go to church because they have misconceptions, have only met hypocrites, don’t resonate with what happens in the formal service, don’t see how “church” really matters in the real world, and don’t understand that to be a Christ follower means having a relationship with the creator and living in a community of believers. Show them these things. Love them. Help them to begin to build relationships with other believers and then with Christ and then . . . just maybe . . . they will be willing to come to the formal worship service on Sunday morning. Sometimes becoming “churched” is the last step in building a relationship with Christ."

will you join the conversation (either here or on my friend's blog)?

peace.

Easter Poem

2006-04-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

The Black Garden

The old man remained silent
For fourteen years.

He had been so
Since the day he looked down
Into the brambled stone garden...
His own heart
Wherein he beat his
Titanium tongue
Into a plowshare
For digging.

Knelling down in the black earth
He cleared the runners
Which made small punctures
And stung with mild poisons
Sifting for the cold sharp stones
As the water bled
Through his trousers
Making his knees like wounds.

You could hear the stones clack
And scrape with the bits of broken blue glass
As he pulled them from the soil.
Still he saved every one
Pouring them round
The outskirts of the
Black Garden.

The old man dug deep
When he could not dig wide
Keeping each of the stones in sight
To remind him of the hardness and it's labor
(They also reminded him
Of the runner and the thorn).

The Lost Ones
Walked by the Black Garden
Seeing no crop they laughed
“You stupid bastard
We shall steal these stones
Or throw them at you!”
Which they did.

The old man knelt in the black peat
Lowering his soul to God in prayer...
But nothing grew
And he became hungry,
Then starving,
Then dying,
Until his plowshare
Tunked down
Like a whim of dust on a
Passing shadow.

Then came the water
And the blood
The returning to earth
Falling slowly into the ground
Draining into the peat
Running deep
(finding neither rock nor bramble)
Settling silently into the Black Garden.

Silence.
Silence.

Poems burst from the Garden
As the new man rose up
Calling the corn stalks to himself
By name
Praising up the tomatoes and the dill!

Then the new man heard the voice
Of One who calls
Like a brother
“Come let us drink soup like children!”
Which they did.
Letting the herbs dribble down their chins
Warming their breasts
With the laughter of infants.
_______

~Mac

The Garden Called Surrender

2006-04-16T06:06:00.000-07:00

Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with Jesus. Finally, they came to a place called The Skull. All three were crucified there--Jesus on the center cross, and the two criminals on either side. One of the criminals hanging beside him scoffed, "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself--and us, too, while you're at it!" But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you are dying? We deserve to die for our evil deeds, but this man hasn't done anything wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom." And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."

Meditation:

Jesus: You hang on the cross in the middle of my two opposites.At times I glance in your direction and wonder why you are there,and selfishly I am thankful that you are.

You bring a presence and comfort to this stark, ugly place.Do you so desire my attention or is it that your friends have abandoned youand you’ll do whatever it takes to be known by me?

I see my brokenness though the injustice of yours
and I just want you to never forget me.
I want to be known by you.
Please remember me.

Other instances I don’t even bother to acknowledge your presence.

For it is foolishness or at least that is how I avoid facing the reality of my pain.
I doubt you are who you claim. I laugh at you, but in my soul I am angry, alone, and afraid.

I need you more now than ever as I hang in excruciating pain
and yet I refuse to open my broken heart. I refuse to surrender to your existence.
I want you to use your power to get me out of this mess I’ve made,
but I refuse to allow you to use your power to make me whole.
So I hang and the pain remains.

My faith comes from a place of surrender. I want to know God and be known by God. My life with God begins with surrender... daily. God is my goal. I want God. My life works when I acknowledge God, " Jesus, it's me- Rick, please remember me... know me." It is so simple, yet so difficult and far too often I choose to hang in pain looking for a fix as opposed to looking in the direction of Love allowing God to do for me what I cannot do for myself. At times it has seemed foolish for I refused to surrender; I wanted to control.Today I want to live in paradise with God. Paradise from the Greek means garden and enclosure. I want to be in the Garden the place of ideal beauty, loveliness and a state of delight… enclosed in God’s presence. I want to be returned to the Garden; to the place God intended; where I can walk naked before God and not be ashamed. This only comes through surrender, never control.

Two Simple Words That Changed ALL Things

2006-04-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

He's Alive

Amen

It would have been enough.

2006-04-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

[Originally published at www.withinwithout.org]

I went to a passover seder this evening.. a group of almost 20 of us, even more if you count the many children running around throughout the evening. It was actually my first time at a passover meal as an adult. My memory brings me back to 4th grade where we might have learned about the Passover Plate, although all I can clearly remember is my first ever taste of horseradich. In any case, tonight's festive meal was shared with a dear group of friends, only a handful of which were raised Jewish. There were many questions along the way, lots of laughter, many glasses of wine and amazing food prepared by many in the group. The evening was relaxed and unrushed, no one needing to get anywhere, and the warmth in the room was as much from the uplifting conversation as it was from the number of people in the room.

My favorite part of the seder was singing a praise of thanks called Dahyenu. It was explained to mean "even if God had only done this one thing (bringing the Isrealites out of Egypt), it would have been enough." I suppose the reason it struck me so deeply was that I'm so often looking for more blessings and wanting greater and greater things out of my life and from God, and so infrequently do I reflect on all that has been done and given to me already. And yes, here are the Isrealites, so thankful for being brought out of slavery, rejoicing for what they've been given, knowing that while God could do more, what he had done was truly enough.

Tomorrow I join back with my friends to celebrate the fulfillment of the promises of passover. I look forward to it, but right now, in this moment, I am experiencing that deep lonliness that always seems (for me) to accompany the end of a time of authentic community. I suppose this could be part of my process of discerning my own search for community either here or elsewhere over the next year(s), but the tears and lonliness had found me before I even started the car to drive home. And as for what I think I'm searching for... there are certainly glimpses of it here, but I feel so needy sometimes... when everyone has their family and their home and their busy lives and all I have is myself to go home to (and the cats and the mess in my kitchen). I should be used to being alone by now, I think, but these emotion still catch me by surprise sometimes.

Anyway, I remember reading through some blogs after Mark Palmer's death a few weeks ago of people that were connected with him in some way. I can't find the post I read right now, but I remember this quote (my paraphrase) written by his friends who had gathered to mourn his death: I'd rather be with you and be in pain, than be alone and be at peace.

And it's true, isn't that what community is or should be?

Still, I must and should remain thankful for what I have. These moments that I shared this evening, the friendships that I am developing and the deep sense of belonging I felt while sharing in this meal with others whom I love. Of course there is more that I would want, but if this is all that I have been given, I must remember - dahyenu.

L’shana ha’ba-ah b’Yerushalayim.

too small a price

2006-04-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

I awoke to the jailer turn the key and push the door
Get out her he shouted

But i stayed there on the floor
frozen in the terror that rose and filled my brain
For what i knew what they intended i could not face the pain

then soldiers came into to cell and they dragged me to they yard
they threw me done before a cross and a dropped the wip down hard
"carry it!" they shouted as i struggled to my feet, i put my shoulder under it
and dragged it to the stereet

i stumbled threw a wall of screams as they drove me threw the gate
it seemed that thousands lined the streets their voices filled with hate
like a wolf pack in the night that moves in for the kill
they closed in the for us and we started up the hill

and seemed i barely reached the top
when they grabbed me from behind

they threw the cross down behind me
and tied the ropes that bind

the arms close to the beam
as they nailed the feet and hands as they rose the cross up in the air
and dropped it in its stand

through a blur of pain i saw the cross there next to mine
there were people all around it, so i looked to read the sign
It was nailed there up above his head
So the world could see the news
that the man who seemed so helpless there
was the KING of all the jews

and the crowd that stood around his cross made jokes about his name
they shouted laughed and spat at him so i joined in the game

I said "HEY if your the king why don't you get us down from here!!!"
but the taunt sounded hollow...... it echoed in my ears

cause he looked at me with eyes that seemed to reach into my heart
they shown a light on all my lies and tore my life apart
there was more that laid behind that gaze then simply blood and clay
but knowing was to much for me, i had to look away

But i chanced another look at him while he was looking down
Where the soldeirs who just crucified us drank there on the ground
and although he spoke them quietly some how his words came through
He said "Father please forgive them they don't know what they do"

then as if they heard him speak, the crowd began to roar
wipped to frenzy by the priests who urged them on to more

but the worst the accusations now the plainer i could see
the guilt, the accusers, not the one there next to me

But the man upon the other cross bagan to curse and swear
and his voice was filled with venom as he hurled it through the air

all the horror that was in him and it laid his life to waste
came out in every syllable he flung in Jesus face
and Jesus only looked at him

but something rose inside of me in spite of all that watched us there it couldn't be denied
because his righteousness and innocence was shining bright and strong
i just couldn't keep my silence if that cursing still went on
I cried out "Don'tyou fear the wrath of God even at the end! You'll curse us both in the pit is that you intend we're only getting what we deserved we sinned our whole life long
but don't you talk to him that way he's done nothing wrong!!"

Then with all my courage, in voice not quite my own i asked him "Lord remember me when you come into your thrown"
He answered me and even then his love was undesguised, he said "before the has sun set today you'll be with me in paradise".

The shouts and curses did not stop even when the sunlight ceased, but somehow in the midst of it my soul had been released
And though the agony continued, it was still to small a price, to be allowed to hear those words

and to die beside the Christ
'
'
'
'
And the darkness changed to dawning. I heard the sound of voices.
The air was warm around me. I stood beside a stream.

And Abraham was speaking to the multitudes before him.
The unfolding of the answer to our prayers and hopes and dreams.

Then far across the chasm came a rumbling like a thunder
And the Prince of Peace came shining, from His mouth the power streamed.

And the walls and towers crumbled and the gates of hell went under.
A thousand sang the victory! We have been redeemed!

Jesus is the Lord of all, Jesus is the Lord of all,
Jesus is the Lord of all, we have been redeemed!

~Don Francisco

Holy Saturday Prayer

2006-04-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

The (collect) prayer for Holy Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday, from The Book of Common Prayer:

O God, Creator of heaven and earth: Grant that, as the crucified body of your dear Son was laid in the tomb and rested on this holy Sabbath, so we may await with him the coming of the third day, and rise with him to newness of life; who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Talk Talk: New Grass

2006-04-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

I owe this one to Kerri Mack, an good friend who sent it to me. I will try and add the music player if I can. It's a sweet and solemn reflection.

New Grass (9 46) - Talk Talk
(Mark Hollis / Tim Friese-Greene)

Lifted up
Reflective in returning love you sing
Errant days filled me
Fed me illusion's gate in temperate stream
Welled up within me
A hunger uncurbed by nature's calling
Seven sacraments to song
Versed in Christ should strength desert me
They'll come, they come
Come there, come come do they
Lifted up
Reflected in returning love you sing
Heaven waits
Someday Christendom may come
Westward evening sun recedent
Set my resting vow
Hold in open heart
Open heart.

Via Crucis: Stations 13 & 14

2006-04-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

God is Dead Day One and Two

“Joy comes in the morning” on what we call Easter. But this day, the day before is a time of absence. The Episcopalians have it right when they, on Good Friday, strip the alter of all reminders of Christ and so it remains, barren until Easter morning when He is celebrated as the Living One and the pattern and hope for all future resurrection.

We have a selfish stake in all of this.

But Christ did not mean to be absent all these other days. He alone is the sweet smell and fragrance to God and also to us who know Him and are known by Him.

We do not have to feel such barrenness now. There are no days in which Christ is not alive, even though we may not feel it so inwardly.

The disciples sat in intolerable loss and were clueless. I am not much different even though I have the advantage of knowing what comes tomorrow.

It makes you wonder…why three days?

Maybe it’s the finality of the second day.

These were days when the saying “God is Dead” were true. Somehow Creation continued to live and breath without its Mediator Who holds all things together. I have no idea how that works…but it did. In those days death and meaninglessness seem to exist alone.

I think of these days where Christ is silenced, buried out back and replaced by politics, religion, fear, programs and philosophies for living in a way that will appease a far-away God.

It’s a quiet desperation and a mutually unspoken banal conspiracy to simply look away and pretend that these two days of death really represent the human condition.

Tomorrow proves otherwise.

If your church doesn’t let Him in the room tomorrow, sneak Him in.

U2 for Thought

2006-04-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

This was dished up by U2Sermons Blogspot. The sote itself is a treasure. Go there.

http://u2sermons.blogspot.com/

Via Crucis: Station 10

2006-04-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

They were naked yet "not ashamed".

Dial ahead and they strip the garments off the arms, shoulders and legs of a humiliated God incarnate.

Two disparate images and two realities.

Shame, blame and sin in the middle...a mess. Lost, hardened, evil, vicious, stupid, ignorant..again just lost.

"Strip asshole!"

This is how you demean a human because it plays to all that came before and still is.

Jesus was stripped down to nothing. The Great Leveler. No one can ever point to Jesus and say "you just do not understand".

No.

I do not understand. You do not. But this One does.

God understands shame.

God understands blame because no one is more blamed than God and less culpable (we are our own mess).

God shed animal blood to clothe Adam and Eve. Then came the question: "Who told you, you were naked?"

It is as profound a question today.

Who told you?

And what do you do with it? ...yes...YOU!

Naked we enter..naked we leave..what clothes us inbetween?

Word

2006-04-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

Made through Word

Grounded in Word
Patterned from Word
Through Word
To Word
and the inheritance of the saints in light:

"I AM making new!"
Who frames the Holy City
Center of true adoration
In which we become like Him.

Joy in the Word.

Servant/Master

2006-04-13T05:56:00.000-07:00

Out of all the extraordinary things Jesus did while he walked the earth, there is nothing more subtle yet powerful an act as he did then when he washed the disciples feet.

The best way i can explain this powerful action is by a song and it first few verses that tells us who Jesus is:

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth

GOD put on an apron and got on his knees and washed his disciples feet! GOD willingly became a slave.

Jesus said that he was doing this and that it would be rememebered by them.
I do believe they always remembered.

No matter how powerful and mighty they knew they were with his power, they were also reminded that they are not above their master, by the simple act of the washing thier feet.

In that simple act Gods heart was revealed. And he did it willingly and he wants us to be reminded that if we call ourselves his followers we are to do the same.

I guess knees are not only used for praying, they are also used to serve.

hmmm....reminds me of the story of his brother James...what did they say he had? camel knees???

i know it is holy week but . . .

2006-04-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

i am having trouble really "feeling it."

"Secret Of The Easy Yoke"
by pedro the lion

i could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the members faces were smiling
with their hands out stretched to shake

it's true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you
and some days i don't love you at all

the devoted were wearing bracelets
to remind them why they came
some concrete motivation
when the abstract could not do the same

but if all that's left is duty
i'm falling on my sword
at least then i would not serve
an unseen distant lord

if this is ony a test
i hope that i'm passing
cause i'm losing steam
and i still want to trust you

peace be still

is anyone else struggling with this?

Via Crucis: The Second Station

2006-04-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

The Via Crucis Grid Blog has over 30 folks from around the world from a wide variety of faith traditions who are committed to be part of daily reflections this week on the Stations of the Cross. The schedule for each day's writings can be found here.

I will be doing Stations 2, 10 and 11.

Station 2: Jesus carries the Cross.

The cross is at the core of our faith, yet is largely ignored in day to day life except as part of an overall theological formula for "salvation". It has been made like pabulum in an ornamental bottle. It has lost its harsh bark, its weight and the long wooded drag that leads to death when nails bark into that wood and the warm blood of God spills on the Earth.

The ornamental bottle sidesteps the raging bull of death that is implied by such a cross and its dark earthy undertaking. It makes the turning point of history into a mere emblem, a proposition, and at times, almost a piece of a mathematical equation.

This moment of the laying of the cross on Jesus is a terrifying moment for both God and Humanity, and continues to be in some ways, at least for us.

But let us start with the One who bore this solitary cross. His was a cross unlike any we may carry. While there have been handfuls of men and women who seem to embody the continued sufferings of Christ…what is “lacking” (whatever that means), we are not like them, not even when we die of various diseases, or in a random act of violence, or perhaps simply because the body gives out eventually. We were never going to get out of this alive anyway…but we stand in facing our own mortality still in selfishness, even if it is with hope.

The Son of Man allowed the rough lumber to be laid upon Him knowing what we know not. And it was even for that selfishness in death that Christ self-lessly gave up His life for love's sake.

He had already been beaten, crowned with thorns and whipped. It is all your worst nightmares mixed into one. Torture, nakedness, shaming, ridicule, being spat upon, exhaustion and watching your own life being bled out a bit at a time. Then comes the lumber and you are driven to carry this cross to your own imminent death.

We are tempted to skip to the end of this story now…to resurrection. Let’s not (actually I cannot as I am assignment station 2). Better to linger with Jesus in this moment and feel that terror that is unlike our own as intense as that may be at times.

I wonder what was going through His mind at that moment.

Not many of us die for love's sake, or for God, even metaphorically. I do not. Maybe you do, but I do not. I am supposed to “take up my cross and follow Him”. I am not so very good at this. I find that I whine a lot instead, or I deflect or try to bargain. I have only advanced to the point where I do not wish to nail others up myself. Not very impressive progress, really.

It’s not about being resolute enough, or being tough. Ha! Back in the 90s Darrell Johnson was preaching the cross and Jesus to a good old dead Presbyterian congregation and he asked me if I would dress in tatters and drag a huge wooden cross up the main aisle and up to the alter as he preached. I guess I fit the bill as I had long Jesus hair down to the middle of my back.

Now I am 6’6” and at the time weighed in around 250 pounds and I did as Darrell asked and hauled a 120 pound cross down that center aisle and laid it down on the alter. It felt solemn and heavy. It stirred something in me and in others. I was brooding on it afterward when a session member, a woman came and thanked me for not damaging the stone work on the alter. Then one of the pillars of the Session, a burly man came by and slapped me on the back in a hearty way and said “Yeah huh...gotta be strong to carry the cross!”

Then he gave me a couple of other slaps on the back and moved off.

I was speechless on both occasions, which is far from usual.

No. That's just not it.

What takes more love and power? To herd humanity by rules and give them the right principles…or to bear the lumber in weakness headed to death on a hill named “skull”?

Why do we still want to take the easy way out via rules or “principles” instead of taking up our cross to follow Him?

I can tell you why I do. It’s far easier. It is, ostensibly, even "God's way" and gives one a sense of rightness that dragging a cross behind an unmanageable God will never do. To follow Master Jesus is not glamorous, clean or peaceful. Echoes of His own sufferings will be evident. In weakness, Jesus became the most powerful as the cross was laid upon Him.

It’s a defining moment, perhaps the defining moment.

Gospel is paradoxical. It takes love and humility to carry the cross, not overt power and strength. “The way up is down” which is really a major part of our whole problem now. We have ceased to believe Jesus and His way of cross-bearing, even in a metaphorical sense. We simply want no part of it. It's too real and I suspect the incarnate Way, Truth, and Life Himself may impinge upon my often vaporous ways, personal truths and lifestyle.

Station 2 was the shouldering of this coarse and splintered weight to save us from our lostness. There is nothing more insane than crucifiying your God and Creator. Yet even in this, Christ is able to make His death the apex of sanity. When Humanity is most insane, God brings the way of the cross front and center.

The sins of humanity. The writs, decrees, accusations, and all our lostness would soon be nailed to that tree with Him. But the cross started at that moment that we call Station 2, and it is no less real today.

And Now For Something Completely Different

2006-03-21T07:03:00.000-08:00

My apologies to Tabitha, Martha and Eve. All posted responses to my inital volleys for SPOKE and then there was silence.

Narcissistic self-concern is a strange disease and it will surely be the worst enemy of something like Spoke, and I, as editor am probably the most infected with it.

God loves a good irony.

I've asked Marth and Tabitha to contribute. Now I'd like to ask Eve as well. Wade, Mike and Rick have also been asked.

I don't like rules a great deal...but I like intent. The intent of this is meditiations, explorations, etc. on what it means to live in a universe that is Christocentric. We are not the Center, Jesus is. I'm pretty darned sure of that.

Many family's have an "elephant" in the living room. They are in denial and pretend life is other. So it is with the Family of God. We have a Trinity in the Living Room that is pretty much ignored.

Meanwhile we pass on...like grass or the faded flower in time. But Paul says that while it is not clear yet what we shall become after such, that we do know when we see Him, Jesus, we shall "be like Him".

Seeing Jesus now is a really good idea. I've seen quite enough of me. I know some of you who will read this would like to see more of me. Well, I'd like to see less. But then, I have to see me all the time (hell, even when I am sleeping I am still looking at my eyelids).

(And no, I am not gonna lose my sense of humor in this. God is a Merry Prankster).

The True Story

2006-01-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

Politics and money, power and loss...these are what fill the front pages while the mystical Body of Christ is oh-so-quietly the True Story.

And it's not reported and not, sometimes, even known by those known by it.

But I watched it yesterday, and I suggest that if you have eyes to see and ears to hear it, you take a day to just watch it.

It is pervasive and deep and long and wide like the love of God. It is often missed in the blind rush that is our lives. But it persists before us, through us and beyond us.

It remains in our spiritual DNA and bubbles up decades later...our connection in Him. It is passed down to our sons and daughters who also share this connection in Christ and they seem to graciously surpass us in wonderful ways.

It is heard in the voice of a new friend who loves God and an old one who's taste for Gospel has not abated but has sweetened with age.

It always comes back in Him. To Jesus. Not the Jesus fiction but the very One in Whom all of Life is found. The Jesus Who is reflected in all you hold dear in those few moments, and is your only anchor and solace when you are spiritually naked. Not an idea..but a Man..and a God come for you, and for me and One who binds us together in an undeniable way.

Opening Volley

2006-01-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

"Trinitarian Coy," Oil on Canvas. C. MacDonald

Pascal was probably best at uncovering our propensity for diversion and deflection. We allow our lives to be caught up in what poet William Everson called, "the blind surf of events" and never finding the "stone levels" that possibly lay beneath.

I was recently accused of not seeing Christ as "Absolute". I said that Christ, as far as I was concerned, is beyond Absolutes.

The breath that you draw, the holding together of your being, your own ramblings about God and the world you will encounter out "there" today are all held together in Christ, the Living One, and in Him alone. It was the Father's good pleasure for "all the fulness" to dwell in Him bodily and all things find their consummation and Life in Him.

Now this idea is far beyond a set of propositions about Christ that one can agree or disagree with. In fact, once again, I would say that all your energy spent in doing either comes from Christ. (Christ is generative...I am simply, er...degenerate?)

Christ is not an Absolute as much as all Absolutes come from the Living Jesus.

Or, as C.S. Lewis says about apologetics...once we are done with our arguments about Christ they all seem a bit thin and flimsy and we must "fall back from our arguments about Christ into the arms of Christ Himself."

The Religionists are always trying to nail Christ down. But He is alive and all things were created and patterned in Christ, through Christ and for Christ (so says Paul in Colossians...please do read it).

So spend some time today with this audacious loving God Whose feet are like the clay of the Earth, Whose heart is continually broken yet also on fire with passionate love, and Whose mind created and permeates the most beautiful things you will see today.

And it's personal. He knows your name. And He is everywhere if you have eyes to see and ears to hear.

~Mac