SPOKE: Journal of Christ

Yet another riff on Mark 10:17-22
(Inspired by Derek Webb)

I bumped into Jesus the other day. This kind of thing doesn’t happen often so I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to speak to the Master himself.

“Jesus,” I said, “I’m trying my best to live life as your apprentice. What do I need to do?”

“Listen,” Jesus replied. “You know the guidelines my Father set out—they’re for your benefit.” He counted them off on his fingers as he listed them: “Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, honour your father and mother."

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty good with all those.” I said “Those are definitely effective rules for a good life.”

I struggled for the right words. “But I want to do more. I want to be your hands and feet, and your voice. I want to help bring about your Kingdom. What else? What am I missing?”

Jesus looked at me with warmth in his eyes, yet I was locked in his grip. I could not move as he said softly, “Well, there is one thing...”

“What?” I pleaded.

He looked at me for a moment, then said “You tell me.”

My confusion must have been obvious because Jesus smiled at me.

“What are you holding back?” He asked.

“”Nothing.” I responded. “I’ve given you my life, asked you into my heart, accepted you as my personal Lord and Saviour, been born again, washed in the blood, redeemed, saved and sanctified. You name it—I’ve claimed it!”

“Yes, yes.” Jesus said with a hint of impatience. “I think I remember hearing something about that. We’re all very pleased. But what are you holding back?”

“Nothing.” I said wearily, as I averted his gaze.

“Mike.” He said it quietly, yet I had no choice. I turned my head and looked him in the eyes.

“What are you holding back?”

I didn’t as much hear the words as I felt them. Every cell in my body shook as he spoke. I heard the words in my head, in my heart and in my soul. I heard the words outside of time and space. The words soaked me like rain.

I turned my body to face Jesus directly and named the thing that I just couldn’t give him.

“What a coincidence,” Jesus said. “That’s exactly what I want.”